love you always

adjusting

I woke up to the sound of Ella starting to cry, i looked at my phone screen to see the time, it was almost 1am, and Ella was hungry. I turned on the small nightlight we put in the room so we could easily get up in the night, and i walked over and picked her up. "Shhhh shhh, okay baby girl" i swayed her as i got back into bed, getting ready to feed her. To my surprise, Derek had only just begin to acknowledge that i had woken up. "Oh, was she hungry?" he asked nodded. He sat up next to me, turning on the side lamp so he could see better. "What time is it" i looked at my again "it's about to be one". "Derek can you put a pillow under my arm, it hurts" he grabbed a pillow that had been knocked on the floor and balanced it under my arm. "Thank you" i finished feeding her and then she fell asleep again. "She's beautiful" he whispered, i passed her gently over to him so he could put her back into her crib. "Goodnight gorgeous" he kissed her head lightly, i never even thought i would be able to get pregnant, let alone carry and give birth to a beautiful healthy baby, "Mer we should get some rest she'll probably be up again soon" i nodded in agreement, he turned off the light and settled back into bed, i cuddled up to his arm and he kissed my hair.

I woke up again, to hear Ella starting to fuss, i found it odd how i would wake up before she even started crying, but Derek needed more movement or more noise. Maybe it was a mum thing, that sounds weird, still in shock that i had become a mum so unexpectedly. I picked her up and took her into the other room, she needed a change and her table was in their. I was exhausted and finally finished. Derek wandered into the room just as i picked her up to take her back to bed. "Meredith you know you can wake me up, you shouldn't have to do it by yourself" i snuggled her close to my chest "thank you but i wasn't alone, i have ella" i kissed her softly on her head. He gave me a warm smile and then took her back to her crib while i got back into bed. I was so tired, but she was worth it.

The alarm woke us both up at around 7am, Ella didn't get up after the time i changed her. The alarm made her fuss but i quickly turned it off, wanting to sleep a while longer to make up for the hours lost. Our daughter had other plans. Derek got out of bed and picked her up as she screamed. He changed her, put another onsie on her and rocked her lightly. I was sat i bed, trying to go back to sleep but she wouldn't stop crying. "Meredith i think she's hungry" ugh that was my que. "Bring her to me" i yelled from our room, he walked in and handed her too me. I fed her while Derek showered and got ready. When he was done i took her downstairs where he was, placing her in a baby bouncer, she fell straight to sleep. "Watch her while i shower okay" i smiled at him "Mer hold on!" he kissed me, the first real kiss we'd had in a while. "Mhh, as nice as this is i need to shower i'll come down after" i walked upstairs slowly, my whole entire body ached.

"How was your shower" he asked whilst putting away dishes "Great i feel so much better" i sat on the couch, next to the bouncer she was in. She was sound asleep so i didn't dare wake her, instead i fell asleep on the sofa, until Derek dropped something on the table, which started me awake. "Sorry i didn't mean to wake you" he apologised "that's okay i should probably get up".

Just as i finished loading the laundry, my phone started ringing.
"Mer hi, how's life going at home"
"Well i'm more tired then i have ever been but it's great, i love her"
"good i'm glad, the hospital is good too, wait until you meet the new interns!"
"what are my interns like, are they good"
"i don't know baily's covering for you, she'll know, ask her"
"Cristina you should come meet her, she is your granddaughter"
"I met her before you went home, but i'll come over and see her again, when we're you thinking?"
"come over tomorrow, i need to see you"
"fine i'll get george to cover for me in the afternoon, and i'll come see my goddaughter" she laughed
"great i'll let Derek know"
"perfect, bye Mer"
"bye".

I walked back downstairs "who was that on the phone?" Derek asked "just Cristina, she's coming round tomorrow" he nodded. We both sat on the edge of the sofa, looking at her sleep. "Let's go for a walk, get some fresh air, i could use a trip out" i said "where do you want to go?" he asked "we could just walk down to the park, she can use her stroller for the first time" i exclaimed excitedly, "do you want to get changed or?" i shook my head no, my sweatpants were too comfy and getting changed was difficult, my body hurt and i felt so stiff. "Okay i'll get her stroller ready, you go get blankets for her.