love you always

ultrasound

It had been 2 days since we had gotten back. We had an amazing time, but we were both glad to be back and with our daughter. Plus today was the first ultrasound.

"Are you almost ready?" derek asked, walking into the kitchen. "Yep" i smiled. We hadn't told anyone about it yet, we wanted to wait until we knew everything was okay. "We're finding out the gender when we can, right?" he asked me, "yeah but we have a while before they can tell" i replied.

We talked the whole journey to the OB, i was excited but a little nervous, since the last time i found out i was pregnant was terrible. "Are you worried?" he asked, "a little, but i don't want to stress, it's bad for the baby" i explained. He smiled back and continued to drive.

"Mrs Grey we're ready for you" the receptionist took us into the ultrasound room, i decided to refrain from correcting her 'mrs' rather than 'dr'. "Everything of from the waist down, we'll give you a minute" she smiled before exiting the room. I took of my pants and sat on the table, it was uncomfortable but i just wanted to get it done.

"Are you ready to start?" the OB smiled at us, we both nodded. "This might be uncomfortable but it won't hurt" she smiled before inserting the probe. I closed my eyes and squeezed derek's hand. The silent room was suddenly filed with the whoosh of the heartbeat from the ultrasound. Derek looked at me and smiled. "There's your baby, good strong heartbeat... and it looks to be around 8 weeks" she showed us the screen. "Would you like pictures?" she asked politely, "please" my eyes filled with happy tears. "That's our baby" Derek whispered, "it is" i whispered back.

The OB went through all the pre natal vitamins and pregnancy stuff with us, despite going through it all before. "I'll leave you to change" she handed Derek a reel of photos before leaving the room again. "God i cant wait to do this again" he put his hand on my stomach. "I'm sure you can't, it's fun for the one who's not carrying or birthing the baby" i rolled my eyes, remembering i have 7 more months of restless nights and discomfort before utter torture and then months of sleep deprivation. "I think i might want an epidural this time" i thought about ella's birth and how much pain that was. "Whatever you want" he answered correctly, "damn right" i finished getting dressed.

We drove to the hospital and went to work. "Why were you late?" Cristina asked, "just an appointment" i told her. "Are you okay?" she asked concerned, "i'm good" i smiled.

"Congratulations!" Cristina came
up to derek and i as we were leaving. "On what?" i asked confused, we hadn't told anyone yet. "The baby" she responded, "how do you... did you tell her?" i accused derek, "no i did not" he replied. "How do you know?" i asked, "your boobs are big, you just had a honeymoon, you had your secret 'appointment' your perky and happy and you also left the ultrasound pictures at the top of your purse" she pointed at my bag. "Oh... well thank you i guess, but we're not telling people yet so please..." i relaxed slightly, "i won't say anything, i'm just glad i get to be an aunt again" she smiled before walking back into the hospital.

"I can't believe she figured it out" i thought aloud as we walked to the car. "She's right about your boobs, they're bigger" he smirked, i slapped his arm teasingly "shut up, your daughters vocabulary will not contain the word boobs yet" i pointed at ella who was fast asleep against his chest.

Later that night once i had gotten ella to sleep, derek and i sat watching a movie. I never cry at movies, not unless i'm on my period, or going through something.

Stupid pregnancy hormones.

"Meredith! are you okay?" Derek asked worriedly, realising i was crying. I looked at him before i started full blown sobbing, "hey, why are you crying, are you in pain?" he pulled me close to him, so i was sat on his lap. "I... i'm fine, it's just the stupid... hormones" i managed to speak through sobs, "okay, your okay" he hugged me tightly, stroking my hair.

Once i had calmed down he loosened his grip around me, "no let's just stay like this" i asked him, not wanting to move. "Do you not want to move to bed?" he whispered calmly. "Yeah, okay".

The second we were both in bed i moved myself closer to him. We would normally sleep close together, but not like this. We lay in bed, my arms tightly wrapped around him. "Meredith i'm not complaining... just wandering, why are you clinging on to me" he asked, trying his best not to set me off. I smiled at his attempt not to offend me, "i honestly don't know" i whispered.

I was not a clingy person, but for the past few days, i had to be around derek all the time. If he wasn't i would just feel like i was missing something, but i would never tell him that cheesy crap.

He walked over to the fridge to start making dinner, "what is it?" he asked, sounding slightly defeated. I had followed him into the kitchen, and stood right next to him. "I want to be around my husband" i justified, "mer i'm serious, you've been like this for 3 days" he sighed.

For whatever reason i felt a rush of anger, he couldn't tell me what to do? "Is it so bad that i want to spend time with you? I'm your wife!" i raised my voice, trying to hold back from yelling in hope i wouldn't wake ella. "Meredith that is not what i'm saying?" he argued back, "don't you like being around me? what are you, bored?" i accused. "Your overreacting..." he sighed before i cut him off. "I'm overreacting? are you serious? your the one who's fed up of me, when all i wanted to do was spend time with you!" I shouted before running up the stairs and into our bedroom, slamming the door shut behind me.

I checked the monitor and to my surprise ella was still fast asleep. That girl could sleep through a hurricane.

I needed to cool off, i was furious, i sort of knew he didn't mean what i accused him of, but he didn't actually deny them either.

A few seconds later he walked into the room, "meredith..." he started "shut up" i was quick to interrupt. "No, you don't get to be angry and make things up just because you need something to use against me" he fought back. "You didn't deny any of them, admit it you don't like spending time with me" i spat back. "Not once did i say that" he sounded worn out.

I left him sitting on the bed while i stormed off to the kitchen, where i ate french fries dipped in ice cream.

"Meredith, don't walk away from me this time please. I just want you to know that i'm sorry if i made you feel like i didn't enjoy your company, because i do. You, ella and this baby are the most important people to me, and i love you all more than anything" he apologised.

"I'm so sorry" i started to cry, "i love you so much, i don't know what came over me i just lost it" i cried.

He closed the space between us, pulling me into his embrace. "It's not your fault" he whispered reassuringly.

Once i had stopped crying we pulled away. He looked down at the counter to see what i had been eating. "Meredith what the hell is that" he looked disgusted. "I was craving french fries dipped in ice cream" i explained.

He nodded confused. "Do you want any real food or just... that" he started to get food out the cupboard. "I'm still hungry so i'll eat whatever" i smiled.

hi sorry i haven't updated in a while. I jumped to when they got back home because every time i tried to write things about the honeymoon i just had a mental block, so sorry to disappoint. Anyway i hope you enjoyed this!