love you always

alone

"Derek please say something" he lay there staring at the ceiling, my head was still on his chest, he started to get up "Derek where are you going" i started to panic, he told me he wouldn't leave. "I need some time to think" he barley even looked at me and he started to get dressed, i was aware all of a sudden that i wasn't wearing any clothes so i grabbed the duvet and wrapped it around myself. "Derek please you promised you wouldn't leave". He said nothing and the he left. I started sobbing into the pillow and cried until i fell asleep. I went to work and the whole day i fought back tears, Derek was nowhere to be seen.

Around midday i brought Cristina to an on-call room "I'm pregnant, and he left" Cristina just looked at me wide eyed "he left me when he promised he wouldn't". "Mer your pregnant?" i nodded and she sat next to me and grabbed my hand, she wasn't really a hugger, but i didn't mind. I just wanted him to walk through the door and hold me and tell me everything was going to be alright. I was so mad. Mad at myself, for letting me love someone, i knew that people don't stay, they get scared and they leave and i loved him so much i forgot he could leave. I drove home and spent an hour throwing up on the toilet, i got up to brush my teeth and clean my face and i sat on the couch to watch tv as i fell asleep. I hated not falling asleep in his arms, it made me miserable.

2:03am
I heard the door unlock and open, i sprinted into the kitchen and grabbed a bread knife, and i turned the lights on expecting to see a burglar, but it was him. I laughed and he joined me, as the laughing died down i put the knife down, only to find an uncomfortable silence creeping over us. He looked at me "Meredith" i was so happy he came back that i forgot i was so mad and so hurt that he had left. "You left, when you promised you wouldn't, i needed you" he looked at me and tears started to form in my eyes. "You had just told me you got pregnant" he said in an attempt to give an explanation. "Excuse me, i got pregnant, you got me pregnant, it takes more then one person to make a baby Derek your a damn neurosurgeon you should know that." He looked like i had just murdered a puppy "Mer you know i didn't mean it like that"
"Oh because your so amazing and you can't do anything wrong, obviously this is my fault and i should have been more careful"
"Meredith we both should have been more careful, your right it takes too people i'm sorry"
"I'm not talking about the baby Derek"
he just looked at me confused
"I promised myself i wouldn't fall in love only to get my heart broken again"
"Oh so this whole relationship is just a mistake"
"that's not what i said stop putting words in my mouth"
"really what else did you mean then"
i stayed silent and he looked at me, this time annoyed and hurt. "Meredith i love you" i don't know if it was me or the hormones but i couldn't stop myself from collapsing on the floor and crying. He came over and held me tight, not letting go until i stopped. He wiped away the tears from my cheeks and he kissed me, softly but passionately. His tongue was invading my mouth, he pulled away and smiled. He rested his hand on my stomach. I looked down and so did he. We put our heads together, we were going to be parents.

He picked me up and took me up to bed, i was too tired to move, let alone walk. I fell asleep with his arms wrapped tightly around me. I woke up and the sun was shining through the window, i was still wrapped tightly in his arms, his erection poking me. I giggled slightly and he stared to stir "Good morning" i said snd he looked at me with a huge smile "Your happy to see me" i teased him and he pulled me onto him, i squealed and he started kissing my neck and moved slowly up to my chin, i sat up and he started taking my top off, revealing my swollen breasts. He grinned as he kissed every inch of my body i moaned as he kissed my lips and didn't stop. I noticed 2 hickeys on my chest and i felt like i was 16 again.

After a while, we both finished and went downstairs, i had to get to the hospital, i was on Baily's post ops she was in a bad mood and rambled on about her patients "Grey you listening, take Clara may and Sophie green up for an MRI and then dressing changes on patients in room 428, 382, 292 and 202" At around 2pm i grabbed Cristina for lunch and told her all about me and Derek.

I found Derek to drive home but i couldn't find him in the hospital, i called him and he picked up on the fourth time. "Mer i meant to leave a message i'm at home" I drove home to find him with a bag snd he told me to open it, there were too baby onesies, one was pink and the other was blue, i put down the bag and kissed him. I loved him and i wanted this baby with him.