When You LOVED Me...

36.

*Unedited*

She tossed and turned in the bed, but the fallen angel of the darkness did not envelope her. Her anxiety will not let her sleep even when she felt exhausted.

The message felt like a reminder, a reminder that she is not enough and she will never be enough. It felt like it, like she forgot who she was for a moment, a moment she spent with Aaron, she just became someone else, someone who can be happy, who can be excited, someone who was more than a disappointment.

But, it was a dream. A lie.

She sighed and sat up on the bed. Aaron slept beside her, in the dark, she can only make the outline of his face. Tearing away her gaze, she slide silently from the bed, taking the phone from the bedside table, she slipped out of the room, down the stairs and inside her room. It looks different, small than Aaron's bedroom but still welcoming. Some of her belongings are still here, not having the time to fully shift.

She switched on the light and opened the window, there was no moon in the sky, it was a dark night. The cold breeze swiped through her cheeks and soothed some of her mind.

It doesn't have to be so heartbreaking, but it is. How a small, unharmful text can torn her to pieces. She had talked to Krish multiple times, checking on him and her mom. But she didn't really thought that there would be something she could say to her mom, to make things better. Neither she expected her mom would seek her, after their last fight.

But it turn out she did. She opened up her phone and stare at the message. Her eyes filled with unshed tears and the screen blurred.

How are you?

That's what she asked. How could she? Mia thought lightly throwing her phone lightly on the bedside table.

A mother and daughter relationship said to be perfect, unbreakable. But looking at what her's reflect, she was sure she will fail all others. She was destined to be, a failure. She never wanted this.

The air that touched her cheeks felt more colder and she realised that that the tears are now rolling freely on her face. She hiccuped overwhelmed by her emotions. She was always dramatic,emotional, imperfect.

She missed her mother, she missed her so much.

Why can't she be a perfect daughter, a perfect something?

She started to wipe her tears angrily, more angry with herself than anyone.
But the tears won't stop. Soon she was a sobbing, hiccuping, wrecking mess, who doesn't know how to deal with a situation concerning her mother.

Aaron saw this. No, he felt her. Her despair, her misery. He hadn't made his presence known, not until she dissolved to nothing. It was really distressing to see her like this, but now he understand that her wife has special affinity for tears, which can't be just discarded or ignored. She has to heal, from whatever it is.

He quietly made his way to her and engulfed her from behind. Before she can freak out some more, he lightly said. "Shh, it's me." The stillness just last a second before she hid her face in her palms and tried to stop hiccuping, clearly ashamed of getting caught, crying, again.

He tightened her arms around her in comfort. "I told you once and I am saying it again, nothing is embarrassing about crying." He lightly kissed her earlobe, "but, I rather prefer you laughing in my arms." He said more to himself than to her.

She tried to form any coherent thought to explain herself but it just wasn't possible. She turned in his arms to hid her face in his t-shirt. It is certainly embarrassing, no matter what he would say. She curled her fingers in his t-shirt while he moved them off the window and onto the bed. She never let her grip go nor looked up.

It was happening again. She never cease to act childish and he never learned to not seek her. He lightly petted her hair, it was uncomfortable to sit so, Aaron laid them both down, side by side and waited.

When her grip slightly relaxed, he made her fully let go, and pushed her chin up so he could look at her. She looks vulnerable and tears was still forming little trails on her face. Her eyes closed.

He acted on instinct and kissed those tears away. He felt her breath hitch, but he didn't stop. He turned them, so he was on the top, looming over her. Her hands found his t-shirt again, and her fingers curled on either side of hips. He kissed her eyes, her face and then ever so slowly her lips.

When they finished, Mia has successfully stopped crying and was focused on catching the breaths she lost, while Aaron was trying to fight his physical desire for her, which flooded him so suddenly. His mind fixated where her hands is touching him sending sparks of heat throughout his whole body.

Aaron closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was so wrong. He repeated inside his mind and cursed himself and his body for reacting this way.

"Aaron," Her voice cracked slightly but still didn't lost the melody in it. His name sounded like a tease to his ears, daring himself to lose the little control he had. But he knew, he shouldn't.

Aaron opened his eyes, to meet the red-puffy black uncertain pool of innocence. Her nerves visible in the way her bottom lip is between her teeth. If he didn't know better, he will call it a devil move. But she is an angel. His angel.

"Tell me, Mia. Please, tell me." She knew what he was asking. It wasn't commanded. If she choose to not tell him, he will not ask again. But something told her to let it go and she did.

"It was my mom. We didn't have the best of the relationship." She whispered so quietly, it was barely audible. "It hurts." She searched his blue eyes for judgement but just find warmth.

His eyes roamed to her features, her voice carrying the anguish she felt. He can relate to that.

"It's okay." He said kissing the traitor drop that left her eyes. He laid down and Mia used his shoulders as her pillow, she turned towards him, and Aarons arm draped around her middle,keeping her close."I don't have the best of relationship with my father. We have something in common."

"Because, he married you off to some unknown girl." Mia asked all self-conscious. She presumed that their strained relationship is due to the marriage.

"No."He said firmly, pulling her close to prove his point."Marrying me to you was the best thing he did. "

"You sure about that?"

He didn't answer with words, just pour all the feeling in their last kiss before easing her to the abyss of darkness by stroking her hair. Soon, he found himself drifting away with the thought,

It was the only thing, I was sure about.

*****