When You LOVED Me...

8.

*Unedited*

Heights.

Endless Heights. The illusion that you can touch the sky by raising your hands just a little more. But they are far away. And in actual the beautiful foam is just air.

But the beautiful scenery before me just left me amazed. I was always curious about stars, sky, and space. And by watching these floating clouds I was awestruck.

Though I fear heights, hence I never traveled in a plane before. But this time I couldn't say no. I hadn't had any choice.

When I woke up from my sleep from a horrible nightmare in the afternoon I realized I just woke up in the nightmare. But I was calm or numb. I don't know. I mean I was not hyperventilating anymore from inside. I was no more in the denial. I was aware.

I recalled the talk with him just the moments before I passed out. I was there just crying my heart out for what I had lost. I was not in the senses then. The pain I felt heard him saying that he didn't know me. He didn't know that the bride was changed.

Then, in the morning he said what we have was temporary. Not in the exact words but something like that.
I just hold onto that. One year, nothing more.

Stop being the victim here.

Yes, I was not the only one whose life was turned mess, but his too.

In Bidai, where I was supposed to shed all my tears, I held it all in. I can't say it was that type of farewell, but it was a Goodbye.

When my mom hugged me, I was stiff as a stick. It hadn't had in me to hug her back. Something in me was snapped by all this. What little we had was gone, and that was the hard part to handle.

I startled when the plane zigzagged a little and made that awful notice. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Planes are insane.

After that, nothing had happened, he didn't say a word to me. Even now he was seated far away from me, as far away as he can in an almost empty business class in flight.

I can't see him, because he was in the back and I am in front. I have to turn back to saw him, which I obviously wouldn't do.

I thought about random things to keep my mind from going crazy.

Next thing I knew that someone was shaking me up. I half opened my and saw Aaron in front of me. Then I realised that there's was little drool over my chin. I quickly wiped it away and started looking downwards not meeting his eyes.

Ah, talk about embarrassment.

"We have to deplane you know." He commented sarcastically and I noticed he was being impatient.

The flight had stopped. I passed my first landing in sleep, as I would have enjoyed it.

"Hey, I am going to leave you if you didn't get up this instant." He slightly raised his voice and I jumped and tried to unbuckle my seat belt.

But, my luck I just couldn't. I took a glimpse at his impatient being and then again tried but my hands were shaky, then two hands come up to mine and held them down.

When I glanced up he was close, so close to my face. I held my breath. Those were shivers I felt from where his hands touched mine.

"Couldn't believe this." He grumbled something along that line. Did I felt guilty for being so..messy?

"I am sorry," I said as he unbuckled me, his eyes met mine I felt weird in my stomach. Must be my nerves.

He disappointedly shook his head then stood up to his full height.

"Let's go." He said and then he was gone.

Surprisingly, I missed the warmth that came from him being close.

*****