Garrett's Other Side

18.)

Garrett's P.O.V:

Rachelle laid with her head on my chest while I scratched her back. As she fell asleep I was thinking of everything that had happen since we started talking.

Five months of pure joy. She's met my family, she practically lived with my family when she wasn't working, my family loves her, and as far as I know, she loves them. It's seems perfect.

She was there to help me move with Mo, she's so supportive of my Tik Tok "career", if that's what you want to call it. She's always there for me even when I don't realize it.

I won't even explain what is bothering me and she'll still be able to help me through it. She just knows what I'm feeling almost all the time. She can read me like a book. I hope it's because she's really good and not because I'm a cry baby.

I haven't officially met her family, but we've FaceTimed before and they were really nice! Her mom asked when we were going up to visit them, so I'm guessing she likes me. I hope.

Thinking of all of our time together was making me over emotional. I wasn't sure what this feeling was, but I knew it was different.

I felt it after we had sex for the first time yesterday. As I watched her snuggle into the bed from exhaustion that night, I felt it. I didn't know what, but I was feeling it again, right now.

As my head ran a million different emotions through itself, none of them fit. This wasn't just happiness. It wasn't just an overwhelming excitement, it was more.

Trying to figure it out, I asked Rachelle if she was awake. There was no answer but I still hesitantly spoke.

"I think I love you."

I felt a slight change in her body when I spoke. I wasn't sure if it was because of what I said or because I scratched her sides. She's ticklish, so she doesn't like it.

I waited nervously for an answer thinking she was awake. I relaxed until I heard her speak.

"How can you tell" she said sounding tired mixed with sadness. For what reason, I don't know.

"I thought you were asleep" I said not wanting to be rejected right now.

"I was trying, but what did you mean? How can you tell if you love me" she said sitting her head up on her hands that rested on my chest.

I looked up at the ceiling, unable to make eye contact with her. "I'm not sure. I've never really thought of the idea of loving someone, but... you make it seem so easy. Even if love isn't what I'm feeling, I want to feel it with you. One day..." I said trying to make her understand the complexity of what I was feeling.

"You want to love me" she asked smiling with tired eyes.

"If you'll let me."

"If love is real... I'll love you" she said.

I felt a little defeated. This is not how I imagined it to go. Truthfully, I was hoping she was asleep, but since she wasn't I kinda hoped she'd say she loved me so I didn't feel alone, but I'm trying not to take it personal.

I think she could sense the tension in my body because she said, "I'll try. I want to love you too" she said kissing my cheek.

"If you'll let me" she said smiling.

"I'll always want your love. Even if you don't say it, or don't believe what you feel is love, I'll take what I can get" I said meaning it.

Rachelle's P.O.V:

Garrett had just said the sweetest words every girl wants to hear and I asked "how can you tell?"

He looks... let down. Disappointed even. What the hell is wrong with me?!

I should be happy, but I'm worried. I know he probably thinks I'm a bitch, but I haven't completely told him about myself. He probably thinks he's the only with a dark secret, but he's not.

I've struggled with this for a while. Well, ever since it started back when I was 7. It's been over for almost 4 years, but it still hurts.

I can't trust the way I want to. And I struggle with the idea of love; if it's like people say or if it's simply a chemical reaction in our brain exuding extreme euphoria.

I don't know.

I want Garrett to know that my hesitation to love has nothing to do with him. If I were "normal" maybe I'd have said "I love you", but I can't. I'm still figuring it out myself.

"Garrett?" I wanted to explain myself.

"I want you to know that the feeling I get when I'm with you is unexplainable. I love being with you, but I'm still trying to figure out whether I believe in love or not." I paused trying to understand what I was trying to say myself.

"If we're using the term 'love' to explain our abundant heights of serotonin when we're together... I— I love you. I've never been happier than I am with you, lover boy. I mean that" I said while I cupped his face.

He laughed a little.

"Why are you laughing" I asked starting to chuckle at his adorable giggle.

"You just told me, using scientific facts," he said emphasizing the words scientific facts, "that you love me" he finished.

I laughed just because he was laughing. I was trying to be serious and express my feelings the best way I could without spilling my whole life's story and he was laughing.

I really like him.

"Garrett, stop making fun of me" I said, my words laced with laughter.

"I'm not making fun of you! I just think you're absolutely adorable" he said taking my hands down to uncover my face.

"I told you I thought I loved you, you asked me why, and then proceeded to scientifically explain love to me" he said with a dorky grin.

"Yes..." I said wondering where he was going with this.

"I love you. Even if you don't believe in any another meaning... I love you Rachelle" he said pecking my lips.

"I love you too" I said trying to convince my self just as much as I was trying to convince him.