Garrett's Other Side

30.)

Garrett's P.O.V:

"You make me want to live. You give me a purpose."

I couldn't believe what she had just said. She didn't want to live? When— how long has she felt this way? Damn it! I'm failing her!

"I'm your what?"

I sat up, her following and sitting up. She crossed her legs and tucked her hands in her lap. She stayed quiet, looking down at her anklet to play with it.

"Babe" I said lowly, trying not to sound too bossy.

"Yes" she asked, not lifting her eyes.

"Please tell me I heard you wrong" I said lightly grabbing her thighs.

"Umm... you heard me... wrong" she stuttered slowly.

"Rachelle? Please look at me."

She looked up.

"I'm sorry. I'm doing it again" she said quietly.

"Doing what?"

"I'm pressuring you. You shouldn't have to be pressured like—"

I couldn't let her finish that dumb statement. I am not pressured! I want to be here for her.

"I understand completely that not everyone can give 100% in the relationship at all times! That's why there's two of us. So we can be here for each other. Rachelle, I fucking love you! Please!! Understand I don't ever want to leave you! I love you!"

"Then don't" she said sadly.

"What" I asked in complete and utter shock.

"You don't want to love me. Not like this" she said starting to cry harder.

"I want to love you all the time, Rachelle. I'm not choosing when I love you. That's not how it works. I either love you or I don't" I tried to explain.

"Why do you love me? Why would you want... this" she asked waving her hand up and down herself.

"That's the dumbest question I've ever heard" I stated plainly.

"I love you because you're perfect! You're absolutely beautiful! Your hair is gorgeous, your eyes light up dark rooms, your smile sets the world on fire, your body is incredibly mesmerizing! F*ck, it's mesmerizing. Your laugh makes my day. No matter what mood I'm in, your laugh either makes me happy or even happier" I said honestly.

"But that's—"

"I'm not finished baby girl" I said when she interrupted.

"Now, onto your personality. I just— I can't even. I don't know where to begin, but for starters: your heart. You never want to see anyone left out, you hate when people are sad, you always compliment people when we're out because you always say 'I don't know their life. Maybe they don't hear that kind of stuff ' and I love that babe! Also, you're so chill. I know I can talk to you about anything and you won't judge. I know you're going to listen and try and understand it, even if you've never been through it. That's incredibly important" I said.

She was crying. I handed her a tissue from the bedside before I continued.

"And you know what?"

"What" she murmured.

"Ever since these nightmares started... you always check on me. You check to see if I got enough sleep. You check if you're bothering me, which you never are so don't worry about that, but... you're always concerned about me. Me!! I've failed you baby—"

"No, Garrett—"

"Please. Just let me— let me tell you how I feel" I said softly wiping a tear away from her cheek.

She nodded.

"You're going through all of this and are still checking on me. You feel like you're letting me down, or dragging on me, or making me want to leave... You shouldn't feel that way. It's my fault" I said speaking my mind.

"Garrett..." she said softly.

"It's not you. I feel this way because— because my ex... he left me because of this. I just— I'm so scared you'll leave" she said.

"I promise I'm not leaving because of this" I said making sure to sound very matter-of-fact.

"That's what he said..."

I froze.

That's why she didn't believe my promise. She'd heard this before. He promised to be here, and he lied. He left her, broken and scared. F*cking asshole!

"I'm not him! He's a f*cking dipshit! Absolute f*ck-tard! F*ck, Rachelle" I said in rage.

"Baby, I didn't mean it like that! I know you're not— you aren't him" she said looking scared.

I pulled her into me. I held her close, rolling over so her back was against the sheets while I laid on top of her. I peppered kisses all over her face and neck.

I realized I had scared her when I was quietly yelling about her ex, George. I wasn't yelling at her. I was yelling in frustration.

"I wasn't yelling at you Princess. I was upset because he's an idiot. I can't— I— f*ck! I just— I wanna beat the shit out of him. I'm so upset he lied to you baby girl" I explained trying to stay calm.

"I was too... But now I have you" she said with a glossy eyed smile.

"I don't ever want to leave you. I always want to be here. Thick or thin, I want you. Only you. I'm sorry he lied, baby. I'm so sorry" I said squeezing her in a loving manner.

She held me back, kissing the side of my face she could reach.

"I'm glad he left me" she said scratching my back over my hoodie.

"What?"

"Ya. If he didn't, I'd still be with a dickhead and I wouldn't have gone out with you" she said.

I pushed up to look at her.

"You swore."

"Oh, my goodness. I just said something sweet and all you caught was my swear word" she laughed.

"So you admit it?!"

"Garrett" she laughed, lightly pushing me.

"I heard what you said baby. It was very sweet. I'm happy you guys didn't work out" I said pecking her cheeks repeatedly.

"Mhhm" she hummed.

"But, I have to admit, that was hot" I said with a smile.

"What was" she asked.

"Your swearing."

"Ya" she asked with a little giggle.

"Mhhm. Very."

She just giggled and squeezed me closer to her.

"Can you say another one" I asked her half joking and half not.

"No! I didn't— I didn't even mean to say that other one" she said with slightly red cheeks.

"Ok, ok. I'll drop it."

"Thank you" she said.

I waited a little while before I spoke again.

"I won't worry about it. I'll have you screaming them soon enough."