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𝑨𝒔𝒊𝒂 𝑹𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒆 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒂𝒏 𝟏𝟐:𝟎𝟎𝒑𝒎
i walked into the kitchen to help his aunts cook but they politely shooed me out the kitchen. i went over to Kai as he and his cousins played 2k.
"Moe you cheating you can't let Mikey play for you," Kai yelled as he pulled me in his lap. Moe was only 6 so i'm pretty sure he didn't know how to play. Mikey was 13 and Braelynn was eyeing him the whole time while talking with Meesha and Niya.
"YES HE CAN HE CAN HELP HIM," Martin yelled while hitting Kai.
"ayo chill almost hit my girl," he said moving me over a lil so Martin wouldn't hit me. he stopped hitting him and smiled at me with his two front teeth missing.
"i'm sorry ma." he smiled as he was about to walk away until Kai grabbed his arm.
"what did you call her?"
"that's what you call her." he shrugged.
"that's for me to call her. you call her Asia," he said as Martin frowned then smiled and nodded.
"sorry Asia." and he ran over to Tyrell and Tray'Von and they all started playing with Martin's Christmas presents. we chilled until Lashae brought Lamar to me he was only 5 months, La'trell was 1, and Lakesha was 2. i held Lamar and he just looked up at me. their grandma was doing her thing that's for sure. all these kids look dead on each other... how that work. Loli sat next to me and huffed.
"what's wrong?" i said as she leaned her head back.
"if it wasn't for you and Malachi, Tyrell could be 10 inches deep in this," she said motioning towards herself.
"ew." me and Kai said at the same time.
"he said since y'all are getting married it'd be like incest."
"not really" i shrugged. "y'all aren't blood-related."
"maybe you guys should talk to him for me," she says smiling. i look at Kai who looked at me like 'it's up to you'.
"maybe we'll see." she smiled and hugged us walking away.
"i'm tired asl i'm finna knock out til the food done. here hold Lamar for a sec," i said handing him over to Kai since he gave his other cousins a chance to play the game. i laid my head on his lap and he handed me Lamar who i laid on my chest. he did the best he could to wrap his tiny arms around my neck making me pout. "stinkkk we needa have a baby." i said looking up at him he nodded looking out of it while staring at me.
"fasho." he looked back at the tv and i closed my eyes.
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𝑴𝒂𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒊 𝑱𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒂𝒉 𝑱𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔 𝟏:𝟎𝟎𝒑𝒎
KIDS?! her lil fine ass wanna have kids with my mentally damaged ass frfr. that made a nigga reallll happy, ian know she liked me like that. i'll get ha pregnant before the wedding ya shitting me.
my nightmares are coming back and i don't know what to do. whenever we aren't on good terms i have nightmares of my pops and his pops. then i wake up go back to sleep then have nightmares of my grandma. Asia never knew because with her i don't have them.
what if my kid has nightmares because i have them. what if i make it hard for them to have friends because i'm not mentally straight. what if we both do. what if their friend's parents find out what we do and they say they can't be around them. what if i won't be good enough. what if he hates me. what if i die at a job, like my dad and he won't have a dad.
i gently lift Asia's head off my lap and quickly went to the bathroom. i sat on the toilet and i tried to stop the tears but they flowed anyways. i think about my dad when i think about becoming a dad.
"Mal it's Loli everything alri-" she stopped herself when she saw the tears in my eyes. she lifted up a finger to signal me to hold on. great someone seen me cry, exactly what i want to happen.
"Kai... baby..." hearing her voice and thinking about how she wants kids made more tears flow. "hey, hey what's wrong." she closed the door and sat on the counter, "come here." i walked over to her and leaned on the wall across from her.
"i'm sorry, you didn't have to wake up," i said sniffling, i feel like a little bitch.
"when it comes to you it doesn't matter. come here." she waves me over and i go stand between her legs. "tell me what's wrong."
"well, it started when you said you wanted kids an-"
"oh nooooo i'm sorry if you're not ready," she says holding my face in her hands.
"nah it's not that. when i think about having kids i think about my pops and his pops and my grandma," i said and she tilted her head.
"my grandpa died over some gang violence that was associated with my pops. after he died they came for my grandma and after that, they came for me. i survived but my dad died. at the time we lived together so i seen all 3 of them die. i have nightmares when you're not around or when you're mad at me." her frowned deepened and she hugged me. "thinking about my kids makes me scared they won't have a normal life because of me. i'm just scared i won't be enough."
"Kai being there for your kid and showing moral support is being enough. you don't have to worry about not being enough if you're there and show them love." she smiled. one thing i like about Asia is she keeps it short and simple but says all the right things.
-𝙂𝙐𝘾𝘾𝙄 🤠(this is taking place in the year 2019 coronavirus DOES NOT exist. when we get to January it will start taking place in 2020. just making sure we are clear on that.)
