Winter Wind (YiZhan)

41. Despair

Xiao Zhan is drowning.

Up till this moment he hasn't allowed himself to admit this, and it is only now that he realizes why.

He had a lifeline.

But as he stares down at his phone and the blank screen, all he can see is this lifeline slipping away.

He is furious, and he wants to call him back to yell at him.

I know that you're hurt that I didn't tell you... that you had to find out from others, but can't you see through me? You've always been able to. So why can't you see through me right now? Why can't you see through me enough to push your anger away? Why can't you see through me enough to know that I fucking need you right now?

Do I have to ask?

Do I have to fucking lay myself bare?

With you I've never had to before, so why do I fucking have to now?

He slips the phone back into his pocket and runs his hand through his hair. Then he forces himself to take deep breaths.

It's fine, he tells himself. I've handled things by myself in the past and I'll do it again.

It just hurts because this time around, he'd thought that he had the strength of two.

Perhaps Yibo will come around soon enough, and realize what he is doing.

He is a brat, as Xiao Zhan has pointed out in the past but this time around, he'd just expected him to see clearly.

To consider him beyond everything else, including his own annoyance.

With a shake of his head, he heads towards the door.

Just as he is about to pull it open however, there is a knock. He answers it and meets Nini waiting for him.

"What is it?" he asks, and she parts her lips to speak however she suddenly halts.

She is gazing up at him, and instantly he sees immense concern well up in her eyes.

"Are you alright?" she asks, and he immediately looks away from her. He walks onwards into the living room, and then takes his seat. She soon comes over. His hand is folded across his chest as he stares straight ahead, gazing at nothing in particular but he feels scalded. All over.

"Wang Yibo," she begins, and the very sound of that name makes his stomach churn bitterly. His heart however still flutters and at this, his eyes once again sting with tears.

"He just posted," Nini says and at this, Xiao Zhan's gaze shoots to hers.

Nini realizes the attached urgency to her statement so she completes it.

"It's an ad," she says quietly, and Xiao Zhan's heart deflates.

"This is a very opportune time for them because all the attention is on the both of you. There is no doubt that most of his pending endorsements are pushing to take advantage of the current exposure. They're probably willing to even pay more for it."

Xiao Zhan turns his gaze away from her.

He wants to leave the room but she will no doubt read all manner of things into it, so he remains seated and against his better judgement he picks up his phone.

He doesn't even realize what he is doing until he finds himself on Yibo's page.

It's a Colgate ad, and although his plan was to turn away, he finds himself clicking on the play button.