Winter Wind (YiZhan)

72. Walk

Xiao Zhan sighs.

He shouldn't scold Yibo.

He has no right to, especially since he was the one that had given him complete access in the first place.

He doesn't regret this, as his greatest desire is to bare all of himself to Yibo, just as he wants Yibo to do the same to him.

They're so close now... so close that he can almost feel a second pulse inside of him beating on behalf of Yibo but this...those messages... his chest constricts that Yibo had seen them.

"Yibo it's alright," he says, using the lightest tone that he can muster. "I gave you complete access didn't I? I'm just..." he tries a laugh. However it comes out dry so he gives up on it, his hand rising to scratch his head. "I'm just a bit um... it's ..."

He sighs again.

"Let's forget about this," he says and makes to leave. "So, apple?" he smiles tightly.

Yibo's gaze lifts to his, and Xiao Zhan is unhappy at the way that he is staring at him.

He squirms, because it makes him feel exposed... vulnerable... just too fucking weak.

"Say something," he growls under his breath, desperate for this spell of tension to pass them by. Upon further thought though, he decides that he truly doesn't want this addressed.

"You know what, let's really forget about this. Just erase it all from your mind."

He starts to leave, but then he glances back once again and meets Yibo's gaze still on him. It feels like pity, but not quite. And there is definitely contrition in there which makes him feel rotten.

He hates that he keeps making Yibo feel this way.

The words spill out of his mouth.

"You can ... look through anything. Know everything about me but... why did you have to check those?" he nearly cries.

Yibo still doesn't respond.

"Fuckingsay something!"

"I... I don't know what to say," Yibo replies, his voice so quiet that Xiao Zhan has to strain his ears to hear him.

"Alright," Xiao Zhan forces himself to relax. "I was hurt okay," he says, the crawling sensation across his skin beginning to dissipate. "You were too."

He tries laughter again. It sounds slightly better but things still feel painfully awkward.

"I whined a lot to you... through text."

Yibo's eyes are melting him.

"I fucking love you okay," he spurts out, exasperated. "I might even be obsessed. There."

He continues on his way to the door, but then stops and turns around once more to head back to Yibo, his hand outstretched and a finger pointed at him.

"This is your fault you know. You wreckedme."

At Yibo's pained scowl, it suddenly hits him how this sounds and so he rushes to correct himself.

"I don't mean... I meant- n-not the break up! Just in general."

Yibo's gaze relaxes, and Xiao Zhan is finally able to take what seems to be his first real breath in minutes.

It is soothing, although still difficult but it gets oxygen once again flowing to his brain. He suddenly feels too naked, and so he stalks off once again, but this time around he doesn't head to the door. Instead, he goes over to his duffel bag on one of the room's arm chair. He rummages through, well aware of Yibo's gaze on him and all of a sudden the crawling feeling is back.