Winter Wind (YiZhan)

59. Trouble

The next day his ringing phone pulls him awake.

His eyes come open, slowly, and then he just listens to it.

He has no interest in reaching for it because he knows whom it definitely isn't from.

And since there are only a handle of other people that could be calling, none of whom he is eager to currently speak to, he ignores it.

He will have time to call them back later.

He shifts underneath the blanket, preparing to return to sleep, but then his resolve from the previous night comes to mind.

Time to get up,his mind resounds, however he doesn't feel any motivation to.

He feels stuck in limbo, the past quite bleak, while the future, at least where he intends to head towards now, seems much too far ahead and seemingly out of reach.

The phone rings to disconnection, and he shuts his eyes once again.

And it is then that another memory comes to mind.

Him in Yibo's bed in Beijing, and how he'd woken up to meet Yibo and his floppy hair staring down at him.

Xiao Zhan feels tears pool in his eyes, so he clenches them even more tightly shut.

It's difficultto breathe, no less strenuous than the previous day, but less... excruciating.

Today, what he feels is heavy and dull.

He is reminded of his wonder at waking up to see Yibo... how his heart had raced, and how his insides had burned with excitement.

The difference one person could make... his person... is astounding.

He recalls throwing his arms around Yibo for a crushing hug, and Yibo doing the same.

Suddenly, something sharp stabs into his heart again, and the breathe is knocked out of him.

It had gone straight into the already festering wound, and thus is twice as agonizing.

He feels attacked, too unjustly.

Just remain lodged there,he tells the blade. Don't pull out again.

Soon the ache turns into a steady throbbing, and his eyes come open again.

He stares up at the ceiling, which is quite familiar to him but at the same time, somewhat strange.

He sighs then and reaches for his phone.

The missed call had been from Nini.

He heads over to Wechat to check his chat room with Yibo, and the state is the same.

He sends him a message.

"Morning."

He watches as it is once again rejected, and undelivered.

He types out another one.

I've never taken being able to contact you so easily for granted, but now I truly realize how special it was. How much of a privilege it was. It's day one after yesterday, and Nini has just called. Perhaps it's with bad news yet again but I'll handle it. I have to. A kiss from you would help though," he adds."Help to soothe it all."

"Xiao gou... I love kissing you. It's the absolute best thing in the world. Well, second only to being inside you, but I think I could live with just kissing you... if that was all I could get."