Winter Wind (YiZhan)

5. Fold

Wang Yibo, is near impossible to resist.

With the features of his face, sharp and angled as though cut from glass, his gaze heavy and hooded in a way that is both sultry and intimidating, and his thick mass of chestnut brown hair falling onto his temples and framing his face in a way that induces palpitations in everything with a heartbeat, Xiao Zhan has long since realized and accepted that keeping a healthy distance from him is the right way to go.

Simply because the boy sees too much and feels too much, and Xiao Zhan is uncertain of just how much of him he can handle.

Perhaps when they are older and not much is at stake... if the boy were still available and Xiao Zhan was able to completely lose his mind, perhaps then there would be a small window of opportunity for a chance to close this distance. Or perhaps he never really wants to. Perhaps he is right, and this boy will truly be too much for him.

This, for instance, is clearly shown at the moment because currently ... his words.. his gaze... his existence.

It is all just too much!

Xiao Zhan frowns, deeply. "What are you talking about?"

Yibo is unfazed for even a moment. "You know exactly what I am talking about."

Both of them hold the other's gazes in a long, lethal match, and in the end, Xiao Zhan is the first to look away. "Yibo," he calls. Quietly... heavily. "Yibo, I'm not gay."

He holds his breath, waiting for Yibo's response and soon enough it comes. "Neither am I."

And once again, Xiao Zhan is delivered perplexion on a golden platter. His head snaps back to Yibo. "So what do you mean?"

"I've never been attracted to boys and once in a while, I have felt some attraction to girls. But for you... towards you... I can't explain it but it transcends mere attraction."

Xiao Zhan feels like he is going to collapse. His chest is closing in on him and he doesn't know where to go or how to hide. This boy... Xiao Zhan is utterly flabbergasted.

Yibo parts his lips once again, but stops before the words he intends to share can be released. Xiao Zhan watches as he switches his train of thought and tries again.

"I... " uncertainty flashes in his eyes, but in the next moment, it is gone. Dogged, is all Xiao Zhan can think. This boy... is so dogged in everything. How can someone like him so easily exist and somehow be found right next to him?

"I don't think I need to explain myself," Yibo finally says. "I believe that you understand exactly what I am talking about. Because you feel it too."

He lifts his gaze to Xiao Zhan's, and for a moment he is startled. Because he realizes that Yibo hasn't exactly been looking at him. His attention has been on his face but not his eyes and he didn't realize it because just even just receiving a mirage of Yibo's attention is enough to completely arrest anyone's concentration.

The stare drags out. A second and then two. Thirty and then ...

Xiao Zhan straightens and shifts his weight from one leg to the other.

"I think your popularity is getting to your head," he says, knowing that his words will cut like a knife, but he is at his wit's end as to how to smack them both out of this tomfoolery before it becomes too late. "You're getting too used to attaining everything you want so you now think that absolutely everything is within your reach. Well, sorry to disappoint you but I'm not one of those things."

Yibo remains still, ... unmoved as his gaze holds steady. However, Xiao Zhan cannot miss the slight dig and grip of his hands on the side of his jeans.

"So I'm wrong?" he questions. "You don't feel the same way?"

"I don't," Xiao Zhan answers.

Pain, poignant and unconcealed appears in Yibo's piercing dark brown depths, and Xiao Zhan has to look away. Gently, he lowers himself back to the bed.

"You're lying," Yibo says and Xiao Zhan's eyes close shut.

"You're lying," Yibo repeats. He then suddenly rises to his feet, and Xiao Zhan does the same.

Ready to ... run away?

He feels like a kid that has been caught about to do something mischievous and wants with all his might to erase this. To go back. None of these however are options, so he stands his ground.

"Zhan Ge," Yibo starts, his tone soft and persuasive, and Xiao Zhan feels his vision spin.

This Yibo... vulnerable and open... no one and especially himself can resist.

"Tell me you don't want me," Yibo says. "Truly and honestly. If you do then I'll drop this. I'll apologize and I'll never bring this up again."

Xiao Zhan... has been caught. There are a plethora of denials that he has up his sleeves, and thus far a few have already been pulled out and used, albeit unsuccessfully. He knows why... and now evidently Yibo knows why too.

Because none of them are the truth.

The truth however is not in that excess of denials.

It's in heart and buried in a place that no one, even himself should be able to get to.

So how can this boy, find it so easily?

'I'm not attracted to you,' he wants to say, but 'hypocritical and manipulative' he might be, 'In-genuine' however, especially to Yibo, he is incapable of.

They are now at a stalemate and Xiao Zhan is at the edge of crumbling.

"What will it take for you to drop this? To let this go and allow us both to move on?"

"Nothing," Yibo replies. "Except the truth. And you can't lie to me Zhan Ge. I can always smoke out your bullshit even when the rest of the world is too blinded to even sense it."

Xiao Zhan decides then not to respond. That is one thing that no one in the world, even Yibo can force him to do. He has learned the hard way over the last few months that this is not necessarily the best course of action to take, but deciding to let the world go crazy rather than step in to help them with correcting their insanity is what comes naturally to him. Because everyone is entitled to what they wish and feel. And so is he.

So, therefore, he turns to the bed and begins to replace the used supplies to the kit just so that his brain and hands can find something to do. Afterwards, he decides to return it to its place in the bathroom.

He moves a step forward and ... Yibo doesn't stop him.

He continues, gets into the bathroom, and opens the overhead cabinet.

He replaces the kit, shuts the door, and grips the edge of the vanity.

His head is lowered, his sight is hazy and his heart is now too heavy to remain in his chest.

"Damn you, you freaking brat," he curses under his breath.

Just then he hears a door open, and then close, and his heart immediately deflates.

He waits a minute, and then another...

And then he is hurrying towards the door.

He jerks it open, arrives in the bedroom, and meets it empty.

Immediately, he heads out into the hallway and carefully approaches the foyer.

He doesn't want him to leave, he realizes. He hopes that he hasn't.

Xiao Zhan arrives at the entrance, the apartment still quiet and empty and Yibo, completely gone.