Winter Wind (YiZhan)

58. Resolve

Xiao Zhan is the one that puts an end to the call, albeit reluctantly.

At first, he had waited for one last acknowledgement from Yibo, that he had heard him, and that they were on the same page.

However his quiet, defeated'Mn' had not been relayed.

Eventually, the silence had dragged on for too long, enough to make him nervous, and Xiao Zhan had pulled the phone away from his ear.

Be well.

These are his last words to Yibo until the foreseeable future... or untill never.

Just a minute ago he had meant it, with all of his heart, but now the well-wish leaves a sour taste in his mouth because he doesn't want Yibo to be well ... without him.

And the fact that he just might go on to be, fills Xiao Zhan with a sickly dread.

He basks in it for a few minutes as he imagines that Yibo would truly be able to move on with his life, and perhaps even forget that he is waiting.

The chill once again begins to seep into his bones, so he shakes his head to dispel the fear.

Yibo loveshim, he is certain of this but he is also aware of the fact that loving someone doesn't necessarily mean that you can't be without them. Because sometimes in life, and at certain critical moments, other things were more important.

And for him, the first on this list of things is to also become well.

For his sake, before anyone else's.

So he rises to his feet, and at first his balance is somewhat unstable but he is soon able to stabilize his frame.

However Yibo's sobs and apology remains vivid in his mind and it disheartens him even further because he realizes now that Yibo has been apologizing to him from the very beginning. For everything. However he had never truly listened ad accepted it. Now that he is ready to however, it is seemingly too late.

He shakes his head, but then suddenly, yet another thought hits him about Yibo's apology. Previously, it had been because of his perceived offense towards him for looking away, but what if this time around, the reason is different? What if this time around, it is solely because of his devastation at the irreversibility of their parting?

His hand stills on the door's handle as the small ray of warmth that his apology had brought to him, dissipates.

Mn, is indeed not an adequate response to anything, but since it is all that he can receive from Yibo right now, he is going to hold on to it.

A sudden knock startles him, so his attention returns to the present. Mei Li is on the other side of the glass door, so he releases a deep breath and slides it open.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes, "but I have to leave. Tomorrow is going to be hectic for me. Are you done with my phone?"

He had nearly forgotten that it was still in his grip, so he loosens his hold and hands it over.

"Thank you," he says and although he tries to muster up a smile to accompany this, he cannot find one.

A smile however, comes easily to her face and it consoles him.

They both head in, and meet Li Ping still in the same position on the couch- his gaze still on the tv's screen and his book abandoned on his lap.

There is a small scowl on his face, but then he pauses briefly to glance over at their re-entrance.