Winter Wind (YiZhan)

12. Ammunition

The first thing Xiao Zhan does later that night is to research on who Xie Lian is.

To his surprise, he finds out that he is the protagonist of Mo Xiang Tong Xiu's third novel- Tian Guan Ci Fu (Heaven's Official Blessing)

She is the author of 'Mo Dao Zu Shi'- the novel off of which 'The Untamed' was adapted from.

'The Untamed'... where he met Yibo.

Where he found wild fame and recognition from... and also vulturous attacks and unimaginable hatred.

He will always have a soft spot for the author because her work has brought him so much. At the time, and after reading 'Mo Dao Zu Shi' he had been so moved by Wei Wuxian's story that every time it had been mentioned afterwards, his chest would constrict, and his eyes mist.

He was full of emotion for the charming, heroic and absolutely insane character that was Wei Wuxian.

The world said that he was similar to him, but is he?

He switches the bedside lamp off, and settles on his side. The room is filled with darkness now, and it makes him feel safe.

However, it also makes him think of Yibo who does not like the dark. Who leaves the television on in rooms such as this so that the possibility of ever being spooked in the middle of the night will never occur.

Xiao Zhan's mind keeps running.

If... just if, they were to ever be together... would he be able to accommodate this Yibo's habit? Xiao Zhan likes to sleep without light and noise, to embrace the darkness like a blanket and allow it to wrap him up like a cocoon.

Will Yibo be able to stand that, or will he have to compromise for Yibo?

His chest tightens again, and this time around he feels the dull ache.

In all of this... whatever is between them... who is more vulnerable? More susceptible? More ... willing? More able?

He doesn't want to think any further on these so he turns around to lay on his opposite side.

He can already foresee a pattern for the upcoming hours.

Anyway, back to Wei Wuxian. Is he truly Ike him? Selfless and brave?

Wei Wuxian was whom he had aspired to be, however midway through filming the drama with Yibo, the line between reality and the story had blurred and he had truly thought himself as the Untamed hero.

Loyal and nurturing... kind and resilient.

Until his own real life disaster had struck. His had not been the Nightless city's all out campaign to the death but it sure had felt like it. And he had not lost any of his friends or family either to death, he but had felt like he had lost a true part of himself.

That the part of him that had been hopeful and somewhat even pure, had been tarnished.

Same as Wei Wuxian, but then how had Wei Wuxian handled the tragedy of his own life?

Well, in the story, life had handled that for him and taken his life. Made him dissappear from the world.

Xiao Zhan can't help but smile at the relation because now that he thinks about it, isn't this exactly what he did too?

Disappear from the world.

It had not been a strategic decision at the time. He had just needed to escape from all the anguish and despair, to  find a way to manage it all before it consumed him. Thus during that time he had cut everyone off, especially Yibo.