Sanders Sides Oneshots

Stressed Out {Demus}

A/N: Little late, but I had a 3-day weekend and got lazy. Anyway, here ya go someperson515 (I decided to start tagging the person who made the request so they're more likely to actually see it)

Third Person

A dull thump sounded, signaling that Janus had arrived home late again. He didn't even bother kicking off his shoes, opting to leave his bag on the floor where he dropped it. While he usually enjoyed making his arguments in front of a courtroom with practiced charisma, today he didn't get to do that. Instead of arguing a person's innocence and getting to watch as the onlookers and jury were swayed to his side, he sat behind piles of paperwork while meeting his newest client. Janus had never liked working with people that were actually guilty, especially when they were guilty of the larger crimes that he worked on. Murder, r@pe, kidnapping, extortion, he didn't want to keep truly horrible people out of jail.

To start off his sh!tty day, he woke up late. He wasn't able to get his caffeine fix for the day since Remus had broken their coffee machine last night, and stopping at a cafe wasn't an option unless he wanted to actually be late to work. A hysterical woman was dragged out of one of the courtrooms, knocking his briefcase out of his hands as she screamed at everyone around about her husband's innocence. And to top it all off, his new client was a prick.

The man had been accused of drug trafficking, a serious charge but not one that would make him a horrible person, assuming he was guilty. Janus was always up front that his clients tell him whether or not they had done whatever crimes they were accused of, so he knew what he would be dealing with down the road. This man swore left and right that he was innocent, but Jan was far from convinced. For one, his terrible hygiene and past transgressions of drug use didn't bode well for him, along with his overly defensive attitude. He kept fidgeting with his jacket sleeve and hardly looked Janus in the eye, even though the lawyer wasn't trying to be intimidating.

"JAN JAN!!!" Remus yells, his face smeared with paint so red it might actually be blood, "Oh damn- uh... Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine," He spat with enough figurative venom to rival a snake.

"Wait really cause you look like one of those melons with hundreds of rubber bands around it that's about to snap-"

"No I'm not fine! I am clearly not fine so stop asking!" He shouts before laying back again, swiping a hand over his face tiredly.

"Oh," Remus awkwardly stands there for a minute before sitting down a reasonable distance away, "Hey, did you know that Swedish blood donors get a text when their blood is used?" Janus slowly turns towards him with a tired frown, "The person that named the colors could have been colorblind, making us the coloblind ones."

"What are you doing?" The attorney asks.

Remus ignores his question, "The average human butthole can stretch to seven inches in diameter, and racoons can squeeze into a space as small as four inches. So there is a person out there that can fit two racoons up their a$$."

"Thank you for the lovely word picture, now what was the point of that? And don't you dare say some random, stupid fact!" Janus warns him.

"Well, I don't exactly do 'cheering people up,' so the next best thing is confusing them," Remus explains, "By the way, snakes have what's called a hemipenis, which means they have two-"

"I know what a hemipenis is, I was there when Logan told you," He interrupts.

"Y'know, you're kinda like a snake," Remus oberves, kicking back and stretching his legs out, not caring that part of them is resting on Janus's lap, "I wonder how far the resemblance goes~" He adds with a wink.

"There is something seriously wrong with you," Janus comments, "And me too, apparently," He mutters.

Remus raises an eyebrow, "What's wrong with you?" He asks curiously, wondering what the lawyer thinks is wrong with himself.

"Well for one, I live with you, willingly," And two, I have a massive crush on you, he adds in his head, "And also I might be helping a jerk-wad avoid prison."

"I don't think either of those are really your fault, like c'mon who wouldn't want to live with me?" Janus stares at him, "Okay so maybe a lot of people wouldn't but that's their loss, I'm great. Also, plenty of sh!tty people don't go to prison even if they deserve to, but think of how many innocents you've kept out of jail."

"I-" He struggles to find the right words, too shocked at the fact that Remus had actually said the right things, "Thanks, Rem, that actually helps."

"Don't go getting mushy on me yet, you conservative b!tch," The makeup artist hopped up and went to their joint kitchen, and by the time Janus got the motivation to see what he was doing a loud POP was heard, "Alcohol is my favorite feel-better medicine," He declares, returning with a single glass for Janus and entire bottle of wine.

The stressed man allows his roommate to fill his glass to the brim, knowing that he'll keep the rest of the bottle for himself. They both relax as the wine kicks in, laughing about whatever stupid show had come up on the TV. It wasn't enough to get Janus drunk by any means, but it helped loosen the tension in his shoulders.

"Hey, I know you said no more stupid facts, but can I break that rule without you dumping your drink on me?" Remus asks, getting a hesitant nod in response. The tipsy man sits up and leans in, "I've always thought that you look hot in a suit," He whispers loudly before licking Janus's cheek.

The normally composed man turns bright red at the action, knowing that Remus should be far from drunk. He scoffs quietly and looks at Remus, "Only an idiot would fall in love with me," He states.

Remus responds without missing a beat, "Jokes on you, I'm the dumbest there is." 

A/N: I've had that last bit of conversation sitting around as a dialogue prompt that I had no ideas/uses for, and I really like how it fits with this specific ship!!