Sanders Sides Oneshots

Witches, Stitches, and Plenty of B!tches {Demus}

Third Person

Ah, Halloween. The spookiest time of the year, or at least it was supposed to be. In Remus's terms, Halloween had been turned into 'some pussy sh!t' due to the lack of scary costumes and actual terror. But, instead of trying to fix this, he decided he couldn't be bothered and threw a party instead.

All of his future meat shields- I mean friends were invited, along with a bunch of weirdos he met behind a KFC. Apparently they were a cult that worshipped the purple teletubby, he didn't really pay attention to the specifics. They seemed harmless enough, especially compared to Remus, so he didn't see a problem with inviting them. And what's the worst that could happen? They try to sacrifice someone? In Remus's twisted mind, that would just make the party all the more amazing.

The music was already blasting loud enough to ensure that they would get several noise complaints by morning before everyone arrived. Since Remus planned it there was of course alcohol, and maybe some suspicious substances laying around. But of course, y̸͛̊͜o̴̖͑u̷̜͑̏ ̸̺͂c̶̞̍̊a̶̳̠͑n̵̻̯͒̐'̵͕͠t̶͎̂ ̵̫̳̊p̷̼͑̓r̷̝̐͋o̷̠̻̔͝v̶̝̮̓ė̵͕ ̵͖͎͠͝a̷̩͙͌n̷̋̀ͅy̷͓̲̋t̷̘͑̓h̴̠͑̄ì̷̝͙ň̴̹̼g̶̭̟̈́̌.

Anygay, Logan and Patton stayed sober and grounded, the innocent/responsible beans. Roman was fine with the drinking, but avoided everything else, he'd already have a hangover to deal with. Virgil didn't plan on drinking much, considering his unshared feelings for a certain Prince boy. Yeah, that was a secret he didn't feel like revealing while drunk at a Halloween party of all places. Janus preferred to stay away from the alcohol, unless he plans on dropping the toughie facade. Remus on the other hand, had no worries about what this or that may do him, so he was probably going to do whatever was offered. Or anyone~

"Jan Jan!!" Remus yells after throwing open the door.

His best friend smiles at the dork and offers a six-pack of beer. Remus, not even caring, takes the container and tosses it back to Roman who had just entered the room. He, of course, caught it but that doesn't mean he wasn't peeved about his twin's recklessness.

"Hey Remus, Roman," Roman offered a tense smile, before going to put the beer in the kitchen, "Am I the first one here? That never happens," He mutters, looking around as he steps inside.

"Nah, Virgin got here like ten minutes ago. He and Roman might have hooked up or something in that time I wasn't really paying attention," He says nonchalantly, "While I've been doing all the important work," He gestures around.

Janus suspects that Roman had originally decorated the place. But now, the cheesy streamers were torn up, there was a large fake spider that appeared to be eating a disembodied hand, and there were several less than kid friendly messages written in fake blood on the walls.

He also noticed the fish tank, who's residents were all deceased from the looks of it, "I like the addition of the fake dead fish," He says.

"What dead fish?" Remus asks, turning around and spotting what Janus was looking at, "Ohhh, yeah no they just died. Pretty sure Roro forgot to feed them and I just didn't care. They are a nice touch though," He says.

"Riggghhhhtttt," Janus agrees slowly, not wanting to ruin it for the other.

Soon enough, everyone else had arrived and the party was in full swing. Remus had already had a little- lot too much to drink. Currently, he was attempting to climb on top of the card table that held the bowl of...punch. No one knew what he was planning, but for the most part, they were too wasted to care.

Janus was curious as to what the already very strange man would do when drunk, so he watched with a smirk, "I cAn MaKe yA fEeL SpCiALlLLLL, wHeN iT SuCks To bE yOuUUuu," Well that was certainly not it. He stood up and quickly crossed the room. Once there, he took Remus's cup and pulled him off the table, "Woah at least buy me a drink or somefinn," He says, not making any effort to stand on his own.

"Do yourself a favor and shut up," Janus tells him, dragging the other to the kitchen. He hands the drunk man a glass of water.

Remus takes one sip before jumping away like it burned him, "That shiss poisonous. You gotta try a lot harder than that to get rid of me," He winks.

"If I wanted to get rid of you I would have done it years ago," Janus tells him, placing the water in front of him again, "It'll sober you up."

"Exactly, poison," He says seriously, "Wanna screw?"

Janus proceeds to choke on air, hoping that he can make Remus someone else's problem. Sadly, no one was around, "No."

"Whyyy???" He whines, "You're hot, I'm hot, and there's no way I'm gonna regret this in the morning snakey~"

"Just shut up," Janus pleads, "You need to go to sleep."

"With what I plan on doing I won't be getting much sleep~" God dammit Remus.

"Alright. Here's what's gonna happen; I'm going to drag you to your room, and you're going to go to sleep," Janus says, pulling the other up.

Remus accepts his fate and decides to spout his usual nonsense, "Y'know how Birdo is trans male to female, and she's got that gaping hole instead of a nose right?" Janus nods slowly, "Does that mean a Yoshi's sexual organ is their nose?" *chokes on air*

Instead of responding, Janus opens the door to his room. He's fairly certain it's not safe to live here based on the smell alone, but that isn't his problem. No, the problem was the surprisingly tame thing Remus said next.

"You're an idiot, y'know?" Janus just looks at him like 'I'm the idiot? Really?' "I flirt with you all the time and you haven't asked my sexy a$$ out yet."

"Righttt," Janus says sarcastically, dropping the rat man on what he assumes is his bed, but looks more like a nest, "So if I asked you out right now, you'd be sober enough to remember it?"

"Definitely," He replies with a smile, "And I plan on taking you up on that offer."

"Get some sleep, Beetlejuice."

- - -

The next day, Janus wasn't expecting anything to come of his 'offer.' Heck, he didn't even remember the small bit of their exchange from last night until he saw Remus. But Remus did.

"Hey Janus!!!" The other yells, waving. When Janus gets over to the group, "So, when are we going on that date?"

"What?" Janus asks, understandably confused, "Wait no- how??"Remus shows his hand, which has 'jan agreed 2 a date hold it against him on mon' written on it in black Sharpie, "That's cheating."

"It's not cheating," He argues, "It's using my resources."

A/N: For real though, anyone have an answer to that Yoshi/Birdo thing?