Sanders Sides Oneshots

Staircase Struggles {Logicality}

Patton's POV

"Patton? Can you come down here?" I hear my boyfriend call from downstairs while I'm binge watching Steven Universe. I turn off my TV and go downstairs, sticking my head between the bars of the railing on the staircase. It was an old habit from when I was a kid, and I always fit so it couldn't hurt?

"What did you need?" I ask, spotting him in the kitchen.

"While making dinner, I ran into a slight problem which is the fact that we are out of milk. I wanted to consult you on whether I can simply substitute it for another liquid, or if I should make something else," He says, double-checking the recipe.

"Well," I try to pull my head out of the railing to go down and talk to him, but I can't fit, "Oh fiddlesticks."

"What seems to be the probl- You're stuck aren't you?" He asks, sighing heavily.

I laugh awkwardly, "Maayyybbeeee...?" I pout slightly at my imprisoned state, fighting back a smile as several jail and stair puns come to mind.

"Patton, I love you but you should really stop sticking your head between the posts. I have literally warned you on several occasions that this would happen," He comes over to get a closer look at my situation, and I can swear he's suppressing a smile, "How did you even manage to get through with your glasses on?? That should not be physically possible," He mutters.

"Hey did you hear about the psychic dwarf that escaped prison?" I ask, figuring I might as well take advantage of my imprisonment.

"No, but what does that have to do with-"

"They say he's a small medium at large!" I burst out laughing at the joke. That's the first time I've been able to tell that joke because for the longest time I didn't get it.

He sighs, "That was a good one Patton, I'm going to remove your glasses now to make it easier to remove your head from the posts of the railing," He tells me before taking off my glasses, making the world as clear as a bank's security cameras when it's being robbed.

I see a dark blue blob that is Logan go back towards the kitchen, probably getting butter or something, "You know I had a stuttering cousin that went to jail, he never got to finish his sentence."

"Must you make horrid jokes while I'm trying to free you?" Logan asks from the kitchen.

"Yes it's my coping mechanism because this is really uncomfortable, much like I'd guess prison life is," I explain. I try to pull my head out again, but completely fail, which shouldn't surprise me as much as it did, "What goes up but never comes down??"

"Don't say stairs-" He starts.

"Age."

"That's...actually quite depressing, but true," He admits, obviously surprised by my darker answer but I had to be more (CHILL-) original. He walks back over, going up the stairs to me. I feel the cold butter on me and immediately flinch, remembering the fact that I'm ticklish everywhere. I giggle as he puts the butter behind my ears to help me slip free of this cursed staircase,"Alright, you should have an easier time freeing yourself now," He announces.

"Yay!" I tug my head out, successfully slipping free after a second and pull Logan into a hug right after, "Thank you Logie!!"

"It's no problem Patton, but please let go until you wipe the butter off," He says, pulling away and setting my glasses back on my face.

Oh right, "Okay!" I hop up and use a paper towel to get the slippery substance off. I quickly throw the paper towel away and pull Logan into another hug. Suddenly I hear a loud beeping, the fire alarm!! "THE COOKIES!!!! NOOOOOO!"

A/N: Seriously I need requests, these things are getting pretty short. Family vacation is coming up on Saturday, and I'll be busy packing and watching Hamilton on Friday so even if requests do come in it might take a few days to finish.