Sanders Sides Oneshots

Genie {Intrulogical}

Third Person

There were a lot of things that a person wouldn't trust Remus with. Watching their dog or children is one of the most obvious, but there were plenty others. To this day his friends made sure he didn't have much access (if any) to fireworks, toasters, Janus's hat, Virgil's hoodie, plants, matches, fire extinguishers, gift cards, and marshmallows.

Assuming you believed in magic, a genie lamp would probably be on the top of your list of stuff to keep away from Remus. But, of course, genies aren't real, so there's nothing to worry about...right? Yeah, that's what most people would think, but yet here we are.

"Greetings, I am Logan," He sighed heavily, "A genie."

Logan hated his job, if you could even call it that. Being stuck in a stupid lamp for years on end until someone forces you out to fulfill their own selfish desires. He had already been responsible for countless destruction, dating all the way back to the time of Julius Caesar. There was a reason so many people thought he had divine help in his wars.

"Cool!" Logan was surprised at how well Remus was taking this. From what he had learned, humans believed creatures like him were simply fairytales. None of his previous discoverers knew beforehand that those myths were actually based in fact. Honestly, the modernization and popularization of the idea of genies being subservient pricks was quite demeaning to him, "I wish for infinite wishes!"

Of course you do, Logan caught himself almost saying, "You can't do that," Seriously, why did they all ask for that? Heck, the guy would probably ask to make someone fall in love with him next if prior experience was any indication.

"Why not? I got a lot of sh!t I want," Remus complained, because of course he would think to question an all-powerful creature.

Logan sighs slowly, trying not to lose his temper. Being stuck in a tiny oil lamp for decades on end didn't do his patience any favors though, "The laws of nature have determined it is unfair and wildly dangerous for a single mortal being to have more than a certain, imaginary limit of power. Hence, why people all supposedly get three wishes, but your precious 'Aladdin' technically got four. Five if you choose to count the wish for Jasmine to love him, because she does fall for him by the end of the movie."

"Wow, you really aren't a lot of fun, are you?" He frowns dramatically in disapproval, "That's fine though, I'm an accepting soul. Let me guess, you're going to go on about the other rules and crap you genies put in place, right?"

"No," Actually that is what Logan was planning to do, but something about coming off as predictable to this man bothered him, "Popularized media makes it seem as though genies can't do anything too fulfilling, but in reality that's not the case. We can manipulate reality itself, which is where objects that are wished for come from. Despite what some more 'realistic' accounts of genies claim, those goods don't come from another source. So, you can wish for riches and not worry about bleeding the entire country of Angola dry of its wealth, but you do have to be specific."

Remus nods, pretending to have listened to all of that. In reality, he had tuned out expecting some boring lecture, but started paying attention again when he brought up money, and now only slightly regrets not listening the entire time, "So...I can wish for anyone in the world to fall in love with me?" Those old European b@stards had been lying to him the whole time, yet another reason why required readings in literature classes should be abolished.

"Technically, yes," Remus's mind was immediately drawn to all the cute guys he met recently, even the straight ones. There was that guy he met at the bar that drugged his drink. Roman may have thought of the guy as a r@pist and dragged Remus away from him, but the clearly wiser twin thought it was kind of sweet. That guy thought Remus was so out of his league that he was going to take him by force, screw Cinderella that's the love story Disney should sell, "But that newly-infatuated person will most likely become obsessive and insane. Apparently forcing the existence of certain feelings can put quite the strain on a person's mind."