CHASING PAVEMENTS ⇒ wolfstar

THIRTEEN

Lily grins, carefully taking the photograph from Sirius. It was just the two of them, the others gallivanting elsewhere. "Oh wow, Sirius. She's beautiful, a very pretty girl. Congratulations. I can't believe the baby's a girl," She admires the sonogram. "She's lovely, congrats,"

"Thanks, Lils," Sirius smiles. "She's gone so big, well, I didn't know about her when she was really tiny but Moony's getting bigger so I assume she is too, right?"

"Yes, he is getting bigger. But we're never going to tell him that we both just admitted that," Lily chuckles. "He's glowing, y'know, he looks good, got a healthy glow about him. Don't you think so?"

Sirius nods. "Yeah. He's doing great too, he says he can't feel any kicks yet but he'll tell me when he does,"

Suddenly her face softens and she looks at Sirius with such a sympathetic look it nearly kills him instantly. "God, James mentioned you'd caught feelings for Remus but I just assumed it was a kind of he's-having-my-baby-I-should-like-him kind of way. I didn't know it was this bad," She says softly. "Wow, Sirius. You really like Remus, don't you?"

Sirius hesitates. He silently makes a note to kill James for sharing that with Lily later. He sighs. "Yeah. Yeah I do, and I have for awhile. Not just because he's stuck pregnant with my kid. I don't even remember slowly falling for him, it was just like one day I woke up and suddenly he was all I could think about. I don't even remember when I started to look at him different. I've been with boys before Remus, of course nobody knew about those, but I don't remember when I started to like Remus more than any of those boys," He pauses. "Suddenly I just really preferred him," 

Lily purses her lips. "And he doesn't forgive you yet," She states.

"No.  He doesn't. And I understand, I really do understand. I betrayed his trust completely and on top of that, I got him pregnant,"

Lily gently runs her fingers through Sirius' hair. "Have you told him? How you feel, I mean?"

"I think so?"

"You think so? Sirius"

"I mean I did tell him, I did. When I found out about his and James' spat, I told him. Because he told me. But then I also ran away after we kissed," Sirius trails.

"Why the fuck are men so complicated?" Lily sighs. "So there you go, Remus obviously very much feels the same feelings you feel for him. And it would be very simple, an extremely uncomplicated solution, had you not made him scared to trust you," She says dryly. "Honestly, this is a mess. How is this poor baby girl going to get by?" She jokes with a small laugh.

Her laughter halts when she notices Sirius' dismayed expression. "Sirius, I was joking. I promise. She's going to get by just fine, because she has a mummy and a daddy who love her, and who definitely love one another too but are too guarded to act on it,"

"A mummy and daddy," Sirius repeats. "I'm somebody's daddy and Remus is their mummy,"

"Precisely," Lily says. "So you and Remus have got to try to get your shit together soon. He's almost six months. That's the third trimester, wow time flies when everybody's causing complex situations, doesn't it?" She muses with a hum. "Anyways, you thought of any names you'd like her to have? We can't just keep calling her by her pronouns,"

Sirius thinks. "No, really. I feel like it's a conversation I should have with Remus. But I'm not so sure he'd be open to it."

"Well try it, idiot. Remus'll understand, he won't turn you away for wanting to talk about your baby. You act as if he's going to ignore you, don't be stupid,"

Maybe he will ignore me! A small voice in the back of Sirius' mind screams.

Since Sirius doesn't answer, Lily speaks once more. "Besides, you have to stop picturing Remus as some kind of villain. He's the sweetest. And he's developing this cute little popped out belly," Which Sirius still has not seen outside of the one appointment he attended, which somehow made it seem impersonal and not as intimate. "Remus is guarded now, you broke his trust so obviously he won't be so open with you but you can't keep convincing yourself that he's going to neglect everything you say about your daughter. He loves her too and he wants you to be her daddy,"