CHASING PAVEMENTS ⇒ wolfstar

THIRTY

Hope stares at him in a pointed look for a very long time until she makes her claim. She's played this game with her son many times before, she knows to be patient. "Remus, you know I don't think that's best,"

Remus was still stuck in St. Mungos and it appeared his mind had started to very much wander after yesterday. Sirius was still here too, tending away to Elliot, like any parent would. Remus, like his own father, was not any parent, he has decided. Which is what had sparked the current conversation.

"I have to see him, mum. I have to," Remus urges. "I know it isn't the best idea I've had, but I think it'll help me right now,"

"You're a bit erratic, maybe the potion has set you in the wrong direction-" The potion Pomfrey and Emelia had decided would benefit him best. 

"Mum, please," Remus looks up to her suddenly. "I need to see him, I think it's something I have to do. We both know I've got a lot of unresolved problems and I think it would help me come to terms with Elliot if I could just speak with him for a minute or two,"

Hope shakes her head. "You do not have any unresolved problems, love. You're perfect just the way you are-"

"No, mum. No I'm not," Remus blinks. "If I were, I'd be with Elliot right now. But I'm not," He says, as if it weren't obvious. "I need to fix myself so I don't hurt her, hurt her worse than dad's ever huert the two of us,"

This seems to budge Hope slightly. She sighs, running a hand through her thin mousy hair. "Fine. If you must," She pauses. "But do it when you're good and ready to, not for Elliot, for yourself. Promise me you'll do it for yourself,"

Remus nods firmly. "I promise,"

"Okay. I have his address, found it long ago in our-" She cuts herself off. "My room," Hope corrects herself. "I'll give it t you when you're ready for it. But Remus,"

"Yes, mum?"

Hope inhales deeply. "Don't expect anything to have changed,"

Remus only nods in reply to her warning.

Sirius had been taking a shower, that's how it had begun, Remus is sure. Remus himself had been resting in that stupidly small bed, two days post labor and he still felt slightly achy. The birth had taken quite a lot out of his youthful body, somehow.

He had been peacefully reading a Jane Austen novel his mum had left him with to entertain himself with when he hears a small little machine type thing begun to beep.

Remus knows the machine, Sirius is never caught without it. It's a small square little metal thing, evidently, it's purpose was close to a muggle baby monitor, Remus found. Curiously, Remus investigates only to hear a wailing on the other end. Although Remus had actually never heard his daughter cry, something in his recognizes the cry.

Alarmed slightly, Remus trecks down the hallways, hobbelling and sometimes having to grip at the walls for support, but he makes it there into that empty little room.

Elliot is roaring, squealing with some form of distress. Remus can feel her distraughtness radiating off of her. "Uh," He says softly. "Hi," He manages but quickly feels his cheeks heat up as Elliot continues to cry.

Remus approaches her bed as steadily as he can. He still isn't properly healed, Emelia has told him so. Technically, he's on bedrest. "Look, I'm sorry. We don't exactly know one another and I'm sorry about that, I don't mean to be so cold. It's just that your dad's been doing a hell of a job and I'm not very good at this,"

Remus still can't force himself to look down at her as she cries hole he grips the sides of her little incubator in order to completely stabilize himself. Breathing deeply, if not quite shakily, Remus looks down at his daughter, taking her in for the first time. "Oh wow," He feels tears tugging at his eyes.

Sirius had been right. Elliot did have his nose and now that he did find himself to care, she also had his lips. But the rest of her seemed to be Sirius, no wonder Sirius enjoyed her company so much; she was a mirrored image of him.

"Hi baby girl, oh shit hi," Remus finds himself startled by his quivering voice. He gently reaches down to brush a hand against Elliot's tear stained cheek. "I'm really sorry, baby, I've been so neglectful to you," He whispers. "Your daddy was right, your so pretty, aren't you?"

Remus can't hold it off any longer as he gently picks Elliot up, shes a foreign object within his arms but it somehow does not feel as awful and horrible as Remus had thought it would. Elliot seems to settle somewhat, her crying reduced to whimpers.

"You know, sweetheart, I'd shove you back inside of me if I could," Remus tells her in a small voice. "You did awful things to my back but at least you were safe and a good deal quieter," He mumbles as she stares at him through teary eyes. "Between you and I, you could've stayed put for just another two months,"

Elliot seems to sniffle at this. Remus gently holds her closer to him, tucking her in between his chest and his chin, gently he shushes her as he rubs small circles on her little back. "You're so little, so very little. Who could've thought such a little baby could kick so hard, eh? Daddy and uncle Prongs reckon you could make a real star for whatever house you play quidditch for, you know?"

"I'm sure uncle Prongs will teach you it all, he's very persistent," Remus whispers as Elliot gurgles against his body. He supposes the heat of his body must be calming her as her yells of distress have come to an end. "You're not so bad, not as scary as I thought you'd be. I'm very sorry, love, I'm trying real hard to get used to the idea of us being separated, maybe I'm scared that I can't protect you anymore?"

"It was just you and I for so long. No daddy, no uncle Wormtail or aunt Marlene riling you up by feeling your every move. It was just the two of us, maybe I miss that closeness, huh? Don't you miss it? Just mummy and Elliot," Remus mumbles softly. "I'll figure it out eventually, Elliot. Just like I had to when I was growing you," He soothes as he rocks Elliot against him, they sway slightly.

"Had to figure that one out fast, wasn't exactly a plan for you to exist nor for you to come out so soon. But yet you're here, breathing despite it all," Remus sighs contently. Elliot has calmed down and he finds himself enthralled with their closeness, he doesn't know if he wants to let her go now.

Remus whispers shakily. "God, you're such a sweet little girl. My sweet little angel, how could I ever turn my back on you? You've got me all wrapped around your little fingers," Remus smiles softly. "Those little itty bitty fingers of yours,"

It feels a lot nicer than Remus had built it up to feel. Just he and Elliot swaying in the dimly lit room.

"Remus?" A voice cuts through. "Oh Merlin, thank God you're here! Jesus, I thought you'd just slipped away on me, done a runner on me. I-I got out of the shower and I didn't know what to think!"

Remus turns, still swaying, not wanting to interrupt Elliot who had begun to lay contently against him, her grey eyes blinking every now and then. Sirius is standing at the doorway with his shirt thrown on and buttoned all wrong and lopsidedly, it's riddled with wrinkles too.

His hair is soaked, hanging damp against his face.

Remus smiles at him softly. "I'm here, I'm alright," He whispers. He gestures to Elliot. "I think we're both going to be alright," He says gently.

It seems Sirius has only just noticed Elliot as a proud grin breaks out across his face. "I knew you could do it!" He beams, tearfully. He enters the room, quickly approaching his little family. "Isn't she gorgeous, kid?"

Remus smiles. "She's pretty wonderful, alright," He whispers. "Doesn't mean I'm fixed yet but the worst parts over, I guess,"

Sirius gently kisses Remus' neck. "See? She loves you, she knows just who you are," He whispers softly.

"Yeah, I guess she does," Remus smiles as he rocks Elliot as Sirius trails soft kisses up his jaw.