CHASING PAVEMENTS ⇒ wolfstar

TWENTY NINE

Hope Howell finds her son wrapped underneath sterile scented blankets. It is certainly not how she had expected to find him.

"Remus?" She says gently approaching the small bed. "Remus, baby, it's me, what ever is the matter with you, why have you been so distant with Sirius? He got word to me and I met him in the ward. Elliot's so beautiful, love, you did amazing, I just know you did. She's very beautiful,"

Hope sits herself gracefully on the edge of narrow bed, reaching a hand to rub at Remus' back. "So why won't you look at her, love? She's such a lovely little baby, you and Sirius really have outdone yourselves" Hope whispers softly.

Her words receive no reply, but Remus does pop his head out slowly from underneath the blankets. Hope sighs softly. "Remus, what's wrong? You can talk to me, are you still in a great deal of pain, is that it?" Hope tries again. "Are you just tired?"

Remus takes one look at her with his already red rimmed brown eyes before he finds himself wracked with sobs once more. It's like he can't control himself, no longer filled with pregnancy hormones but this feels different, whatever this is.

"Oh my baby, c'mere," Hope looks at him sadly before opening up her arms as Remus gingerly shuffles nearer to his mother. Hope wraps him up gently, delicately ensuring his entire frame is wrapped in her love.

"M-mum, it was so a-awful," Remus manges to choke out.

"Shush, shush. It's alright, honey," Hope soothes. "I'm here, just get it all out, my love,"

Remus eventually finds himself all cried out, unable to produce anymore tears and in a hiccuping state. Hope looks him over before, "Now what's this all about? Are you ready to talk about it now?"

Remus shakes his head. "I-I don't want to see her," He whispers. "But I really do want to see her," He confesses.

Hope ruffles his hair caringly. "Darling, what do you mean?" She asks softly, not wanting to upset her son anymore.

"I don't know how to make it make sense because it doesn't make sense but I don't want to see her or hold her or even say her n-name," Remus mutters, ashamed. "It all just happened so fast and I just don't want to believe she's really here and o-out in the world a-and it all feels so bad and I've upset Sirius-" Remus rambles with saddened hiccups interrupting him every so often.

"I'm not upset with you," A soft voice says from the door, a much softer voice than when Remus had last heard from Sirius.

Remus looks up to see the dark haired teen. "But you should be so angry with me-"

Unlike earlier, Sirius is no longer attached to Elliot. His shirt has been buttoned back up so that only his pointy collarbones are sticking out, Remus notices some sort of wet patch on his pocket; dribble, he assumes.

"I'm sorry I was cross with you, I shouldn't have pushed Elliot on you so early, that wasn't very fair," Sirius apologies quietly as he places himself on the edge of the opposite end of Remus' bed so that Remus is curled between his mother and Sirius. "You had only woke up and were probably really disoriented,"

"No," Remus corrects sadly. "Because I still don't want to see her," He admits with embarrassment.

Hope continues to stroke her fingers through Remus' hair. "Love, Elliot was born under very stressful circumstances. She was born really early. Maybe you aren't ready to accept her being here, that might take some time but it isn't anything to be ashamed about,"

Remus shakes his head. "I just feel so lost," He mumbles. "I feel so anxious about it all and so disconnected to Elliot," Sirius won't say it out loud but he's secretly very proud of Remus for saying her name. Remus absently let's a hand fall to his stomach. "I'm so used to being so connected with her and now she's here in the world and I can't even look at h-her," He whispers. "Because she's not a-attached now and anything could happen to her,"