CHASING PAVEMENTS ⇒ wolfstar

FOURTEEN

They sit, once again together, but this time on Sirius' bed. They had slowly fallen into the habit of sitting together again, growing slightly less hostile as Sirius rests his hands and head on Remus' belly as he's scooted halfway down his bed to do so. Remus is reading some book for his muggle studies class while Sirius feels Elliot kick against his palms.

"Y'know, I didn't think it'd feel like this," Sirius says after a long period of silence.

"Like what?" Remus asks, flicking the page. He's engrossed in the novel, some ancient muggle literature written years and years ago. "My stomach?" He prompts again.

Sirius nods, his long hair tickling against Remus' T-shirt. "I mean, I thought it would feel different, like harder? I guess?" He offers meekly.

Remus nods. "No I get it. I thought so too, but apparently when I'm having contractions, my stomach will get all hard and stiff,"

Contractions, great. Sirius thought. He did not dare utter it out loud.

"Contractions? Eh?" Sirius in fact, maybe, did dare utter it out loud. "That'll suck ass, Moony,"

Remus muses. "Course it will. S'why I'm trying to do as much research on it as I can. Pomfrey said there's a lot of different kind of birth plans, says we can take about options once I'm further along," Remus replies.

"Oh," Sirius answers softly. "Well, I hope it doesn't suck as much ass," He cringes. "Seeing you like that is gonna kill me." he mumbles.

"It's alright, I don't want you to see me like that," Remus states. "It'll be a win-win situation, you can meet her when she's nice and cleaned up and ready to see her daddy and not covered in placenta and blood," He says gently, eyes scanning across the pages of his book.

Sirius glances up at him. Choosing his next words carefully, he says, "Wait, you don't want me actually in there with you?"

Remus hums. "I mean, preferably not? I guess?" He shrugs, turning down a page in his book before closing it to look to Sirius. "We're a little too familiar with the on going trust issues, dontcha think? So what makes you assume I'd want to have you with me at my most vulnerable?" Remus inquires. It should've probably had an edge to it, a cutting edge, but both teenagers have grown too exhausted to do it anymore.

"Are you-" He cuts himself off before, "Are you ever gonna want me anywhere again?"

"Sirius...." Remus trails. He puts his book down onto the duvets. "Of course I want you around," He hesitates. "And sometimes that's hard for me because I shouldn't want you around. But I do, for some reason, I really do want you around. Maybe it's because I've got your daughter nesting inside of me, maybe it's because I really don't want to hate you, Padfoot,"

Sirius rubs small half moons against Remus' sweatshirt. He hums, closing his eyes and snuggling his head closer into the growing bump. "I know, I know. You should hate me, you've got every right to. Just make it easy on us and hate me,"

Remus shakes his head, sady. "I wish I could," He murmurs, bringing a hand to his bump, neatly placing it opposite Sirius' head while the other hand finds itself twirling small, thick strands of raven hair around his long, boney fingers. "But I think giving birth is something I have to experience alone, lovey,"

Sirius nods. "Okay. I can respect that, kid," He eventually sighs. It takes Remus back, he had expected protesting. A haughty comment of some sort, but nothing. He receives nothing. And for once, he's glad to be getting nothing from Sirius Black. "But, if you do need somebody to hold your hand and give theirs a squeeze when you need to, keep me in mind, yeah?"