Rockstar Love - Book I (Is It Love? Colin)

Chapter 25 (Rylee's Point of View)

WARNING ⚠ MATURE AND SENSITIVE CONTENT (If you don't like sex scenes then kindly skip the Parts.

Morning casts it's lights into our entwined body. His one hand is resting on my back and on the other one I have my head over, my hands are curled up in his chest like a baby. I look up and see Colin is watching me with a tender look.
"Good Morning beautiful..."
"Good morning handsome..."
He pulled me to his lips and then buried his face in my hair. Since we are not going to office today, we have all day. As guessed I am little closed off. Today I should take the opportunity to tell him everything but I am so ashamed of behaving like a child where as he has been through so much. To be honest I have to be strong like him. His words kept on churning in my head, when he asked me if I want to go out. I said its better if we go for a little fresh air. Colin kissed my forehead, I kissed his cheek and get up.

Time skip

We are walking in the park attached to the hotel property hands in hands. Mia and Max are little away from us giving us privacy. Colin called Ryan informing that we will work from home, to which he agreed. So we worked a little, had our lunch and then came outside for a little walk.
We are almost done with our work France branch, everything has started working properly again, just some little things are left. It will be taken care of really soon. I can start helping Colin with Mys Industrials. We haven't found a way to tamper them but has got some clue. We are still not sure if Carter can buy it after we dismantle it.

In this one month, we discovered ourselves, we talked, we became one, we confined, no it's him who confined in me and now it's my time.
I

will miss these days, after so long no I think I spent the most beautiful time of my life. Colin played my guitar and sang few songs, he showed me how passionate boyfriend he is. Who has shown me who he really is under that 'Caveman' attitude. Before we came for the walk, I called Rachael informing her everything, first she couldn't believe and thought I was joking then she was so happy that she squealed so loudly that it almost pierced my eardrums. Colin laughed at her behavior as it was on speaker. I told her that Cat will explain everything and she agreed. After how long exactly I have seen my sister this happy?
"Kitten?"
"Hmm..?" I answered Colin, still pensive.
"Are you alright?" he asked. I nod and smile at him.
"Well, I have my doubts..." I laughed at his reply.
"It's nothing, I was just thinking about my sister. She was so happy today. After so long I actually saw her well heard her this happy." I say smiling. Colin nods smiling at me..
"Let's head back. It's getting cold." he offered.
"Yeah...Let's go." we get back to the room and cuddled up.
"Colin?"
"Hmm.."
"Do you know why am I like this?"
"No... But you will tell me... " I smiled at him. I am going back to who I really was... The Real Rylee Martinez. Not that much different though.
"I was always a quiet girl, I never liked talking but I was not like this, not this aggressive, not this emotion less"
or am I wrong? I sighed.
"I thought I had no emotion left until I met you. I always had preferred computers over people but not to extent like locking myself up in the damn room all day to avoid people and their questions whether I was okay. It all happened after that night of the accident. All I was use to do is playing guitar until my hands were sore but I still didn't stopped, thanks to Draven who never gave up on me, to be honest on that matter no one did. Strings after strings were torn, cutting my hands but no pain was compared to the pain I felt that night, no pain was compared to the pain when I waked up from a deep sleep. After I learnt something that I would have preferred not to know. Everything shattered on that particular night. I will never forget that day, that night... July 26th. This date has deeply left scars to my life. That night I lost everything, I became a shadow of my former self. Was I this unfortunate to lose him like that Colin? But maybe their was reason, his leaving was maybe reason that I am with you now." I smiled looking at Colin... Then I sighed and continued. "Days after days I drowned myself into depression, felt useless, felt myself as an dissapointment. Felt like killing myself, cried night after night. Depression, Insomnia, PTSD everything takes a hold of me and get better of me. I lost myself, a part of myself. I use to spend my life like a living robot but only irony was 'Living'. My parents and my sister not once spent their time not worried. Irritation, mood swings, lack of communication, lack of confidence, lack of sleep, loss of touch with reality, low energy, low motivation and loss of interest in daily activities. Mood episodes lasted days to months at a time and associated with suicidal thoughts. Treatment helped a little, it helped me to get back to reality but I never changed totally. I concentrated on my studies, and music saved me along the way. Just like you said, it gave me peace. Draven and Haidy spends hours after hours talking to me without success but they didn't back down. It's because of them I never stopped playing and it saved me.
The only sentenced inspired me was
"Evan never wanted you to stop playing. Not for anyone play Music for yourself. You live for music and so does use to him." "
Colin listening to me closely without interrupting. He tightened his embrace and I feel his heart racing.
"And that's all it took me play again. I never again joined my previous band, it was very tough for me. They all tried but didn't force me since they understood. They restarted the band in memories of Evan but changed its name. It was hard for them as well. They still want me in their band but also tells me that if not 'New Dawns' then maybe some other band but I couldn't bring myself to play in a band again. After few months has passed by regaining strength I concentrated on my studies when Carter offered me job. Completing the bachelor degree, Carter transfered me to Russia apparently to help me get out of everything. I don't know how did he know, somehow he know though, but was kind enough not to bring up the topic ever. He loves me like a little sister. Maccini, Evan's brother was heartbroken not only for his brother death but also for me, he couldn't see me in that state, hence the bodyguards because he knew I tried to kill myself more than twice. First they saved me admitting me to the hospital, second they caught me attempting suicide, they saved the third, the fourth, the fifth and finally I gave up. Macinni loves me more than anybody else he loves in this world, he was afraid of losing me as well after his brother. I am more than a own sister to him. He is brother to me I never had. He transferred all the property in my name that was own by Evan in the memories of his brother. Even though I seeked treatment, Panic attacks, anxiety, insomnia, PTSD never left me. I need so many pills to control myself. Night after night I woke up shouting, screaming, sweating, it was them, Mia, Max, Boston and Margaret who were their, you saw some of it but it's little bit controlled now. Days after days I wrecked my own house out of frustration. Cut myself to ease the pain. But nothing helped. Until one day, I came across a lyrics Evan wrote, it was a turn around, it says that "whatever happens you have to live and cherish the time spent. Bygones be bygones remember them but don't destroy yourself." "