Boys Don't Cry

Chapter 48

The cold wind blows against me, but It doesn't move me, I stand my ground as it subsides slightly - for now. Kneeling on the hard grass, I place my hand on Hayley's shoulder. She lowers her head, but doesn't cry. I do too, studying the fresh flowers and pink teddy bear sat beside the black, shiny stone, engraved with gold. Minutes go by before I realise the silence between us, I speak to liven things up a bit.

"Hungover then?" I joke, hoping she laughs. She does and looks up at me.

"A little bit." She chuckles. I nudge her, only slightly shaking she keeps looking up at me. I smile down to her, waiting for her to speak next. "We'll still be friends, right?" She asks seriously. I nod my head, squinting at the sun.

"We've been through too much together to throw it all away." I reason, "I'll never forgive myself for pushing you away, I'm sorry." I say, fidgeting with a piece of grass.

"It wasn't your fault." She tells me. "You found other ways to cope, even though they weren't the best ones." Hayley grabs a hold of my side, nudging her head in tightly. A vibration ripples through my leg, and I reach for my phone. It's my Dad.

"Hello?" He says from the other end.

"Yeah?" I reply, Hayley sits up, but listens in.

"Your grandparents and Aunt and Uncle are coming for dinner, do you know when you'll be home?" He asks, I can tell he's driving.

"About an hour." I say, keeping the conversation short. My dad stays silent for a moment, thinking.

"Ok, I'll come pick you up." He instructs. I agree with him and say goodbye, ending the phone call. Hayley and I sit for twenty minutes and then I walk her to the gates, where her father is waiting to pick her up. She hugs me and we say goodbye, parting ways. I slowly walk back to Eve's grave, having some time to myself. I find myself, yet again, thinking about what could have been. I think about how I'm now clean, and I hope to stay this way. I cross my arms, suddenly imagining the time when I first held Eve. Her, soft, closed eyes looking back at me, she could have been sleeping, but she wasn't. A hand softly sits on my shoulder although it takes me several minutes to notice. My father's body sits down on the grass next to me, he doesn't speak or interrupt. We sit in silence for five more minutes, then I look at him, and I smile and nod. We both get up from the grass and make our way back to the car in silence, with our only interaction being the pat on the shoulder he gives me.

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As we walk in to the house, I smell dinner cooking and chattering coming from the lounge, my feet carry me in and I greet my family members. One by one they look at me, and my grandfather takes the risk of asking me how I am. The last time I saw them was Eve's funeral.

"Good." I say, smiling at them. "A lot better, thanks." I take a seat across from them and they go back to chatting amongst themselves. Oscar nuzzles his head in to my leg and I scratch his soft fur, I keep doing it while the rest of my family speak to each other. Asking about the babies, it's not long until they're due now, a month and a half left. Amelia is huge now. I walk off in to the kitchen, to see my father, who is cooking dinner now that Amelia can barely move. He smiles at me as I walk in.

"You alright, Kid?" He asks, setting the table, I instantly help before I begin to answer.

"Yeah." I say cheerfully. I lay out cutlery and my father goes to get everyone. The food is all laid out on the table and I stay standing, waiting for everyone else to sit down first. Amelia comes through, with her massive stomach in front of her, I pull out her chair and she smiles at me, before sitting down.

After we've eaten, and spoken about our lives for forty minutes, we all wander back through to the lounge. Still chatting.

I check the time on my phone and realise it's 19:53. Then the conversation turns to me, I am asked how excited I am for my brother and sisters, and what I'm going to do now that I am sixteen. The honest answer is that I have no idea, I've messed up my life in that respect. There is probably nothing I can do. I shrug to answer them, backing it up vocally.