Boys Don't Cry

Chapter twenty-nine

Chapter twenty nine

I'm going to be a big brother. Things are getting better, I have my own family. I've been living with them for almost two weeks and I'm happy. Hayley's been round a lot as well and I've been going to class and having therapy. It's a bit overwhelming. I finish lacing up my shoe and walk downstairs for breakfast. Entering the kitchen, and sitting across from my Dad, Amelia presents me with French toast. I smile to show my gratitude.

"Thank you." I say, picking up a knife and fork. She smiles back.

"Anytime, Sweetheart." She says, getting a plate for herself. There's a brief silence while we eat, I pour orange juice and gulp it down. Running upstairs and looking for my coat, my legs carry me back down to meet my dad, who is standing in the hallway with his keys in his hands, ready to leave.

"Ready?" He asks, reaching for the door. I nod and shout goodbye to Amelia and then walk out to the car.

We pull up in the car park and I go to open the car door.

"Work hard and behave. I'll pick you up at three o'clock." My dad says, smiling.

"I will, thanks." I say, smiling back.

I climb out of the car and walk up to the door, my finger reaches out and presses the familiar, red doorbell. I hear the buzz from inside and Ben answers it with a smile.

"You alright, Michael? How's it going?" He asks, his accent standing out, it's obvious he's not from this part of London.

"Good." I say, smiling. I walk past him and go straight to the classrooms, where Lauren and a teacher are just getting the class started. I'm stuck here until two, then I have therapy for an hour with Sarah, alone. Then on Wednesdays I have a family session with my dad and Amelia, I'm dreading it. I greet Lauren with a smile and take a seat, she walks over and hands me my work to complete. It takes me a while, but I manage to do it before we get to go for lunch. I have a salad sandwich and an apple, washed down with a plain glass of water. I have to go back to class for two hours before this gruelling session. When I get back Lauren hands me something to do with geography, I don't get it, so I take my time doing it. Before too long it's two o clock and I walk through to the therapy room. I still get nervous, even though it will just be me and Sarah, i don't like talking about things. I walk in and sit down, ready for her arrival. She walks In five minutes later, apologising for her being three minutes late. We go through the usual things like how living with my dad is going, is there anything I don't like or like. Then she brings up something unexpected.

"Your Dad and Amelia told me you're going to be a brother. That's exciting." She smiles, it's slightly patronising, although, I can't help but smile back.

"I know, I can't wait. It's going be great." I'm still smiling.

"Do you want it to be a boy or a girl?" She asks.

"I don't care. I just want to be a brother. I can't wait to make them laugh, make sure nothing bad happens to them, all the usual big brother stuff."

"That's great, would you like more than one brother or sister?" She asks again, I begin to wonder what she could possibly want to write down on this subject.

"Would be nice, but no pressure to my parents." I say, she cocks her eyebrow when I say it.

"Parents?"

"Yeah?" I say, not sure as to why she asked.

"Do you see Amelia as a parent?"

"Well, yeah. She cooks for me, she asks me about my day, let's me speak to her when I'm sad. Isn't that what parents do? She does everything my mother didn't."

"Does your Dad do that stuff?" She asks. I'm beginning to get angry, this has nothing to do with her. I nod.

"Of course he does." She leaves the topic there.

"How does being in a family group again feel?"

"Good. It feels good." I smile, reminiscing about the weekend.

"What about eating? Your weight? Have you worried about it?" I shake my head.

"I haven't thought about it at all." I say, I stupidly wore a short-sleeved t-shirt again, meaning I can't take off my jumper.

"How's your girlfriend?" She asks, I think this is inappropriate but I answer it anyway.

"Hayley? She's great." I reckon this is a bit dry, but Hayley is none of her business.

"Do you feel happier, in your day-to-day life?"

"Definitely. I don't dread waking up so much now." I laugh while I say this, hopefully making it obvious it's a joke.

"Have you used any drugs?" I shake my head confidently. The thought of drugs pops in to my head, I have to admit I miss them, the sweet comforting feeling of heroin, it could make any horrible day disappear. Then weed, I barely had any memories of a time where I wasn't stoned, it's been there for me since I was twelve. Whenever I was depressed or sad or tired, I'd simply take cocaine. Although, heroin was probably my favourite, every drug played an important part of my life for the past three years. I was bound to miss them, wasn't i? She babbles on for ten more minutes about how she thinks I'd benefit from a few more sessions than planned, which I don't really care about. When she's finished, I say goodbye and walk to the entrance, where my dad is standing speaking to Katherine. I walk up to them both and then turn and smile, they're planning a home visit, next Thursday, at three o'clock. My father and I walk out to the car, making small talk about our days, he asks me how I managed with my lessons, I say I struggled massively. This is true, geography and maths are the worst. We reach home within fifteen minutes, I walk in, drop my bag and go straight to the kitchen and get a glass of orange juice, when my Dad walks in behind me.

"Got any homework?" He asks.

"No, not today." I lie. I turn around with my glass and start towards the table. My dad, who has obviously been looking through my backpack, holds up a book and sheets of paper. I let out a sigh of defeat, take the book off of him and back over to the table, laying it all out. It takes me half an hour, with my fathers help, to complete. Not long after he starts making dinner, which is a weird sight because usually he's working and Amelia does it. Although, I guess this is how normal families work. I instinctively start to help, just like I do with Amelia. It doesn't feel awkward or weird - just normal. We carry on In silence for five minutes, he slices beef, while I slice onion and carrot. I wonder what he's thinking about.

"Do you ever think about your Mother?" He asks out of the blue. I think for a minute, before answering. This answers my previous question.

"Yeah, sometimes." I admit, concentrating on the carrot I'm slicing.

"What do you think it would be like if you still lived with her?" He asks, prying some more. I tip the carrot in to a pan with the onion, and my dad slides the beef in too.

"I think I'd be dead." I shrug. It didn't bother me, I don't live with her, so I don't have to think about it.

"Did you mean what you said the other day? About being a brother?" He says this while turning on the stove. I think back to the conversation we had yesterday, when I told him I was excited. I start to nod, while focusing on his hands cooking the beef.

"Yeah." I add in, assuming he didn't see me nod. I can see him smile.

"Didn't the little kids at the home get annoying?" He laughs, which makes me laugh.

"Yeah, but it's different in a family. Three of the foster homes I was in had kids, they weren't as bad. I reckon it was because it was a real family." I explain, not really sure if I'm making sense.

"How many foster homes have you been in all together?" He asks cautiously.

"I can't remember, six, maybe seven? I'm not sure, I've lost count." I shrug this off as well.

I think in my head, trying to work it out. I was eleven almost twelve when I was put in to care and they tried me on like two families a year before I was dumped here when I was fourteen so that might work out right, i won't do the maths. At around four Amelia gets home, and we all sit down together to eat, it's weird to think that in a few months there will be four of us here.