Boys Don't Cry

Chapter twenty-six

I toss and turn, checking the time on my phone, which is 04:43 am. I've been repeating this sequence since 10pm. I can't sleep and tomorrow is a huge day, it's my last family therapy session before they make the decision in the afternoon. My eyes keep growing weak, but the minute I go to fall asleep, a negative though jumps in to my head. I toss and turn for a few more hours, bad thoughts after bad thoughts come in to my head, refusing to leave again. Light begins to poke through my curtains, and I check the time again. 06:32. All I want to do is sleep, slowly climbing out of bed, I grab a towel and head to the bathroom. Looking at myself in the mirror, i look like shit. The scalding water falls on my head and then slowly on to my whole body, and I welcome it. I quickly wash, spray deodorant and then grab my clothes for today, my pale blue, checked, long sleeved, casual shirt and my light beige chinos, with my black and white adidas shoes. Since I'm at a healthy weight now, my clothes fit a lot better and I actually reckon I look quite good. By the time I'm ready, it's 08:17. Time is dragging so slow. I walk to the dining room, where Ben are supervising Kids eating breakfast, looking at the food I feel ready to throw up - but I know I have to eat something. I reach for a slice of buttered toast and a glass of orange juice. I'm nibbling at the toast when Ben walks over and sits down beside me.

"Nervous?" He asks, even though I reckon it's obvious. I nod. He pats my head like I would do to Oscar. "You'll be fine, the worst that can happen is that you have to stay here for a tiny bit longer, it doesn't mean forever." I nod again. He stands up and pats me again, walking away. By the time I'm finished and go to my room, it's nine o'clock. The therapy session is in half an hour. My last chance to make myself look good. I walk to my room and take out my phone, I have one text from Hayley and one text from Jacob. I open the one from Jacob first.

Good luck mate hope it goes well. I'll be throwing a party for you this weekend either way x

If it doesn't go well, I will definitely be going to this party. I open the one from Hayley.

Good luck today honey, I love you so much. Give me a phone after x x

I phone her now, maybe speaking to her will calm me down. She picks up on the first ring.

"Is everything ok?" She asks before I even get a chance to speak.

"Yeah, I was hoping you could calm me down a bit." I say back.

"Listen to me, everything's going to be fine. Okay? They'll see that you're ready. Just cooperate. Speak to them and tell them how you feel, tell them how much you want this." She tells me. I smile, knowing she'd give me good advice. We speak for another fifteen minutes, which she spends reassuring me that everything will be ok. I tell her I love her more than anything and hang up. The time is 09:23. Seven minutes. I walk through to the main entrance to meet my dad, who is already there. He smiles faintly at me and I return it as I reach him.

"How did you sleep?" He asks.

"I didn't." I say back. He gives me a Sympathetic look.

"Me neither." He says. We both look up towards Katherine, who's strutting towards us in smart clothes and a briefcase.

"You guys ready" she smiles, my dad is the only one that replies with a yes, but I keep quiet. We walk through the familiar corridor and in to the room, we both sit on the couch, although I don't sit at the other end like I normally do, I sit slightly closer and cross my arms against my chest. Sarah walks in a couple of moments later and sits down in her usual seat. She takes out her notes and looks at us, giving us the friendly, but patronising smile. I smile back - eager to show her that I'm happier.

"Big day today, eh?" She says. Looking at us. Thanks for pointing it out. I nod, I'm not gonna lie I'm a bit worried. "You scared?" She asks me directly. I nod again, scared I'll cry if I speak. "What scares you the most?" I swallow my tears.