Boys Don't Cry

Chapter 47

I hang the last picture up on to my bedroom wall and stand back, looking at all three of them. A soft knock on the door startles me, and Amelia walks in.

"Did you get unpacked ok?" she asks me, smiling. I smile back and nod, she walks in, ready to speak some more. "I bet it's good to be home."

"It's brilliant." I reply. I check the time on my phone, I don't really notice the time, I notice that Hayley has not tried to contact me. I come to the conclusion that she doesn't want to know. I make my way downstairs and in to the lounge, slumping on the couch. There's nothing good on TV, so I stick on the news and zone out. I don't notice the doorbell echoing through the house until Amelia comes through to the lounge.

"Someone has come to see you." She tells me. I get up instantly from the couch and race through to the hallway. It's Jacob. He takes one look at me and steps inside.

"I'm sorry, Man." I say to him for the second time since the hospital visit. He shakes his head and pats my back.

"You're alright now." He assures me. "You clean now?" He asks. I nod. "We're gonna keep it that way." Jacob lectures. I nod again and then we go through to the lounge - where we hang out for an hour or so. We talk about what happened and I reassure him many times that it won't happen again. Before he leaves he pats my back again and gives me a serious look. " if you ever, do something like that again - we're over, got it?" He warns. I nod and try to apologise. "You come to me if something's wrong, ok?" He urges me to promise. I nod again, and he disappears in to the street and round the corner.

********************************************

Looking around my room, I notice Hayley must have collected her things while I was away. I think about the no contact we've had for weeks. I miss her, but she's better off with out me. I pull down the picture of Me, Hayley and Eve, and then I look at it closely. This is where things went wrong. I get a thought inside of me and I get up from my bed and bound downstairs, into the kitchen where my parents are.

"Can I go to the cemetery?" I ask them, with a hint of sadness in my tone. They look at each other and my Mother nods her head, then she hands me money.

"Get some flowers." I smile at her.

"Thanks." I reply as she kisses my forehead.

********************************************

I look at the colourful headstone, and blink back tears. It's covered with pink and white flowers, with teddy bears, cards and pictures. Placing down the new, fresh flowers, I sigh. I automatically sit down and cross my legs, disappearing in to my thoughts. The day floods back, and I remember what it feels like to hold Eve, and to be with Hayley. My hand reaches for a clump of fresh, green, grass and I tear it apart further, while thinking. I think about getting clean, the nights I couldn't sleep. My mouth goes dry, and I shake, an overwhelming feeling washes over me and I want to stop it with drugs. Taking out my phone, I look for Jacob's number, he picks up immediately, rapidly questioning my well being.

"Are you ok?" He asks urgently. I let out a chuckle.

"I'm fine, I'm at the cemetery. How are you?" I ask him, reassuring him that I'm fine.

"Yeah, I'm fine. We need to hang out soon, yeah? Just us." I agree to his suggestion and we speak for a while, about nothing in particular, just random things. Then we get on to the topic of Hayley.

"Have you seen her?" I ask him, hoping for an honest answer.

"Yeah, I had a party last week. Her and a few of her friends came." This comment rips me apart, I feel like someone has stabbed me. All my friends, partying and having fun with out me.