The beginning of Gwyn and Azriel

Hard Truths

  Azriel headed to the kitchen, preparing a light meal for his mate

  Gwyn had stopped shaking and crying in their bed, finally falling asleep in the pillows. 

  Azriel had slipped out of the bed so that she could sleep as comfortably as possible.

  He was out of his element with all of this.

  He did not know if he was doing the right things... or saying the right words...

  Azriel had never encountered a situation like this, but he was desperately trying to mend his way through it.

  He gripped the counter as the whole scene resurfaced in his brain...at how she screamed...

 "Fuck," he whispered in his hand.

  It had been one of the her worst spirals so far...and Azriel was going to go mad from how much he ached to help her.

  After an hour, he slipped back into the covers and found her sleeping on her side, with her head placed in her hands.

  He went to place himself in front of her, also laying his hands under his head.

  Azriel just watched her breaths as the rain pattered outside on the glass.

  And when she opened those beautiful teal eyes, his heart ached again.

 "Hey," he murmured.

 "Hey.." she smiled softly.

 "I brought you some food.."

 "Always so thoughtful, Shadowsinger."

 "I am just trying the best I can, this is all very new to me."

  Gwyn nodded and nuzzled into her hands.

 "I know you are trying, baby.." she started.

 "I know that I can be a burden-"

 "No," he placed one his hands along her hair.

 "You need to know that you will never be a burden for me."

  Gwyn lowered her eyes, "It is hard to think that sometimes, Az."

 "My situation...is extreme and I feel horrible all the time for putting you through this..." she mumbled.

 "Through these horrible episodes.."

  Azriel moved closer, until their chests were touching.

 "The aftermath of your episodes are getting better, baby."

 "The first time...with the belt...scared me beyond belief," he pulled her him.

 "But, this time, you are conversing and eating...and I know it will get better."

 "I do not know that, Az," she looked up at him.

 "I just wanted to get it over with...I just wanted to be normal for once."

  Azriel rubbed their noses, "You are beyond normal...you are perfect in your own way."

 "You say that...you say that I am perfect...but I never can believe it."

 "It will take time, but I think you will eventually see what I see when I look at you everyday," he ran his fingers down her hair as he bent to kiss her.

 "And normal is very overrated," he parted with a smile.

 "I want us to be different...we do not need to be like the others."

 "It is just hard sometimes...when everyone is perfectly happy...having perfectly normal sex."

 Azriel thought for a moment, "You would surprised with how not perfect most couples are...I think the one thing I can concretely claim from spying..is that alot happens behind closed doors," he paused.

 "And as for me being on top...because that is how it supposed to be," he said her words back to him.

 "That is not how it is supposed to be.." his lips grazed her skin.

 "It is supposed to be how we want it to be, nothing decides otherwise," he added.

 "I just have a lot of...anxiety," Gwyn trembled.

 "I just have these images in my head on how you would want it-"

 "I want you to like it...I want you to want it," Azriel interrupted.

 "Thats all I want when it comes to our sex life."

 "Beyond that," he paused, "I have zero expectations."

 "Hm," she murmured, " I want to like it," she trailed a finger up to his neck.

 "But, I need to work some things out still...and I cannot give you a timeline."

 "I do not need a timeline...I just need you to always be open with me."

 "I am trying, Az."

 " I know you are, baby," he bent to capture her lips. She whimpered in his touch, opening her mouth in appreciation.

  Before things got too heavy, she leaned away breathlessly.

 "There is something I think I should do first... something I have been meaning to do."

 "Yes, anything," Azriel agreed.

 "I want to speak to Tamlin," she paused.

 "I need to speak to my father."