ruthless

chapter 3:pain tolerance

After a few days Luciano and I have become more comfortable with each other. Him and my brothers have known each other since they were little so considering i've only known him about a week id say hes a pretty cool dude.

Hazel didn't come to my room this morning so I made my way down to the kitchen by myself. I didn't feel like dressing up for the day so i just brushed my teeth and was done. Luciano was already there talking to my dad. "Good morning you two" i'm in a good mood today so i feel like being nice. "Good morning Nicoletta" my dad looks up from his phone. What's he looking at? I make my way towards him and wrap my arms around his shoulders.as I make my way over he turns his phone off and smiles putting it face down. He's up to something "everything alright" clearly not "yea just wanted to see what you were up too" it's not totally a lie that's when i hear Vinchenzo and Stefano play fighting.

Antonio is laughing just behind them. Hazel is not awake yet weird. If she doesn't come down i'll check if she's in her room later. The boys settle down also in their pjs. "So Nicoletta i have some things to tell you" he seems a little hesitant but it seems important so i listen "we have a guy downstairs that you will torture later" im actully happy with this i know its gruesome but its just what i do best. He sighs with slight worry before looking at Antonio and Stefano as they make their way behind my seat. Somethings coming "i need you to promise me you will not get upset when i tell you this love" what's wrong "ok shoot" i take the glass of orange juice, he puts his fork down "were getting information on your mothers whereabouts" i spit out the orange juice and stand up WHAT "EXCUSE ME" im so aggravated "why would you wanna know where that bitch is. Dad i know you had kids with her and you think she's the love of your life but she's not. The love of your life wouldn't run away from her kids just to hide you from your new one. The love of your life wouldn't run away from her family not ONCE but TWICE" i feel the anger building up and i realize the knife that was in my hand is now pointing at my father. I slowly put it down "why dad...why put me through that pain all over again"my voice has more hurt in it now. I walk out calmly but everyone including myself knows that this is just the calm before the storm

Ever since a young age I've always been violent and I've also always been a powerful fighter who uses rage as my main weapon. So when i get mad like this the inner demons that have been haunting me come out. When i torture someone a monstrous version of myself is brought out. My mother never saw this as an issue and more of an advantage so she made me embrace it. Now it's hard to control.

I walk up to my room and slam my door. This bitch thinks she can crawl back into my life i scream into a pillow and then i stand up look in the mirror and all i can see is her, i punch the mirror as hard as i can and it shatters. I feel an unfamiliar grasp on my arms who is this i elbow whoever is behind me and make a 360 turn and punch whoever is behind me in the face. Out. of. Instinct when my bloody fist makes contact with Luciano's face he stumbles back but catches himself. Oh my god what did i just do. I snap into reality once again and run towards luciano "i'm so sorry i didn't recognize your grasp because my brothers are usually the ones grabbing me im so sorry are you ok are you hurt" i start rambling because i know how my punches hurt "first of all" luciano cuts my rambling off "that's one hell of a punch coming from someone who is no more that 5'4' he continues "secondly ow" he laughs a bit "here let's go get you cleaned off

we walk to the bathroom stepping over shards of broken mirror from my wall jumping up on my counter he looks around for a sec "where are the towels" i point to the cabinet across from me and he opens it and picks out a small face rag luciano walks back over to me wets the towel and starts aiding to my hand

"what did you mom do,like i have a clear understanding that she left but there's more than that." he asks expecting an answer and i look away "nothing she just gave me emotional trauma" his eyes stay on my hand "well clearly but....listen i'm not supposed to tell u this but i'm supposed to pry out of you if she abused you or not dominico wants to know" asshole why can he just ask me himself "no she didn't abuse me although training to be like this wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. "i've been stabbed,burned,tazed,shot once in the leg, beaten,tied up in the middle of nowhere and told to escape..." you can't tell him everything he'll think you're crazy crazy not normal crazy "and the list goes on" his brown eyes look at me now.

he seems quite shocked "but hey at least now i can get stabbed and practically not feel it at all because of the high pain tolerance i have" i try to lighten the mood but when i see he's still concerned i look away and notice my face in the mirror drying tears,reddened under eyes,and my lip a bleeding a bit i was chewing on my lip at some point look at how weak and pathetic you look all i hear is my mother's voice

I didn't raise a weak little nothing. stop crying like a little baby and SUCK IT UP!

This memory is the one thing that keeps me strong. I wiped my face with my free hand.

If someone shows you sympathy they think you're weak,they are weak.

I look back to Luciano and I put my hand over his which is cleaning my bloody mess. "i got it from here. can you ask my dad what time we're supposed to torture whoever is in the basment?" he is clearly confused with my change in mood but without another word he nods and walks out.

I get myself cleaned up and walk over to my closet ignoring the glass all over the floor. My door opens "what the fuck happpend in here" its hazel i step out and tell her everything And how need to get ready to torture someone about my mother. I don't cry in front of just anyone,hazel is just about the only person to ever see me do that. "I don't wanna see her again" hazels holding me in her arms on my bed now. "You know you're stronger than this right? Just because some whore wants to come back into your life doesn't mean it has to affect you" hazel has always been good at giving advice during times like these. "So your gonna get up look hot and torture someone until they tell you what you father needs to know clear?" i stand up "clear as day"

ok besties how are we liking the book??

how's everyone's week been??