TW: SUICIDE, DRUGS, DEPRESSION
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A bunch of Teenagers who want to find their way around the world.
Especially two people who slowly find their love for each other.
...
Violet hadn't been on the field in a long time, and it seemed as if Clementine had now definitively taken her position. She liked this role, it flatters her that the younger girls orientated themselves to her, emulated her, and sometimes even imitated her. She had once been one of them and looked up at Violet as they now look up at her. As soon as she wore an accessory in a certain way, a few days later at least five other girls adopted it in exactly the same way.
Today she was invited to Mitch's party, and as always everyone met on the field to preheat and take the train to their destination. It was a strange feeling to be one of the most famous and popular faces here. She now received regular inquiries on Instagram and her blog had new subscribers every day. It was so strange mainly because Clem felt that the more people followed her, the more isolated he was. She used to think that people who got a lot of attention online must feel incredibly loved and were never really alone in real life either. But the opposite was the case, nobody wanted to see you really happy. Every step was observed and assessed by an unmanageable number of pairs of eyes, and if she ever fell down, there would be tons of people who would like to step back and place their crowns on their own heads.
She was popular but lonely, and that childish fame was ephemeral, any misstep, however small, could bring everything to collapse.
♐︎
The blinds in Louis' room were half down, which was not unusual at this time of day, but Clem was sure they had been there all day. He had thrown his front door key down the window for her, and that was probably the first time he had opened his window in a long time because there was cold smoke in the room and it was very stuffy. On his desk was a cup that must have once contained tea, which she recognized by the hanging bag string; in the meantime, it was almost overflowing with ashes and joint remains so that Clem wondered how long it had been there. His screen flickered, he was surfing some forum, and there were clothes all over the floor. Everything was the same as always.
Clementine flopped onto the bed, slipped off her shoes, and picked up the soft toy cat that had always been Makayla's loyal companion. Her name was Kitty, which was unusually uncreative for Makayla's relationship, and also the origin of Clem's nickname. You could tell that Louis spent more time online than in the real world; it was like blocking out the chaos around him, and at the same time it was like the direct mirror of his mind.
"So how was it?" He asked after what felt like an eternity; it was not uncommon for them to be silent together; they knew each other so well that it made no discomfort. He turned his desk chair so they could look at each other, sat cross-legged, and lit a J.
"Very cool, I got a drawing for free." Clem looked at the many sketches and poems on his wall. "You know, Mitch was asking for you the whole time and was about to come over and get you."
Louis nodded as he blew out the smoke and ran it through his dreads. ''Didn't feel like drinking. Would it respect you more if you didn't do it so often?'' He got up and fell down on the bed next to her. ''If you do drugs to help you cope better, then at least those that don't eat your body from the inside.''
He took a black marker from his bedside table and wrote on the wall next to her: now is all we have.
Being with him was balm for her soul, especially after she had only spent the last few hours with superficial acquaintances and constantly paid attention to how she looked and what people thought of her. At the end of the day, she still had Louis, even if everyone turned away from her at some point - he would never let her down. He knew who she was and didn't judge her. She was sure that he had never said a bad word about her, not even when they had argued, with no one.
"I have something for you ..." He turned back to his bedside table, opened the drawer, and pulled out a long chain with a bright red stone in a delicate setting as a pendant. ''Unfortunately, it didn't become an anchor, but somehow I had to think of you.''
Louis opened her hand and slipped the sparkling chain into hers. This moment was strangely intimate and almost as if he wanted to tell her something but couldn't bring it to his lips.
♐︎
Louis had only been at school today to make an apology and had left the premises in a hurry when he noticed Gabe and Clementine, Clem pressed against the wall, and Gabe close to her face.
That had really bothered him to see it with his own eyes.
Gabe had tried to convince Clem to drop Louis and come back to him by assuring her that Louis couldn't offer her anything as he did.
Clementine had only seen a black figure scurrying past them and out the door.
She hadn't let go of the thought of Louis's hurt expression all day, and that he'd never reply to her messages or come to Marlon's party that evening worried her even more.
They had played spin the bottle on the field, and at some point, Sophie had told her out of the blue that Louis had been into her for ages and was also getting more and more suicidal - bullshit.
Clem got aggressive when Sophie talked so derogatory about his inner demons and also invented lies like Louis wanted something from her. He hated Sophie for that sort of thing.
Louis was deeper in his depression than ever and made more and more suicidal innuendos.
She couldn't lose another person close to her.
The longer Clementine sat here with these people and played spin the bottle, the more she was ashamed of herself and how shit she was behaving towards Louis.
He was always there for her - could she say the same about herself?
