TW: SUICIDE, DRUGS, DEPRESSION
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A bunch of Teenagers who want to find their way around the world.
Especially two people who slowly find their love for each other.
...
Being alone in an apartment where you live with your family or close friends feels pleasant and secure.
Their presence lingers in the rooms, clings to their things, or even dirty dishes left behind, and you know that somebody will come back sooner or later.
To be alone in an apartment where he really lived alone would trigger anxiety in Louis.
He tried to imagine how people who were always lonely felt - there was a huge difference between being alone and being lonely.
Clementine and Louis hadn't seen each other in three days and hadn't spoken to each other.
Running after her wasn't his thing - it wasn't even his thing to admit to himself that maybe he would like to.
She was probably back at Gabe's and putting on some shit, and he had no right to be upset about it.
He would also feel really stupid to want to determine someone or to be thrown off the track by something like that.
And yet he was jealous.
He was so jealous and hurt that he could only react with ignorance.
Relationships were simply not for him, that was certain and he had always known that.
It worked to get into the role of the perfect boyfriend as much as possible, he had no time for that.
But somehow he was extremely bothered by how blind Clem was in many ways.
Even if she wasn't important to him, he would have been reluctant to stand by and watch her get lost in her thought construct.
He rose from the chair, leaned his guitar against the wall, and stood in front of the window.
'If you help others, you also help yourself,' Makayla used to say, even if the saying didn't come from her, of course.
Louis had always thought that meant something like: 'If you help someone, they will help you at some point too', which probably meant that you always did something for yourself when you were there for others.
He pushed the curtain aside and looked down at the street, seeing people rushing to their appointments.
He always wanted to go his own way, get the best out of himself, and find a loophole in the system.
But not everyone had the prerequisites for how they had them.
He had never worked, he was resistant to learning, and he had refused to take part in the thick armor of the outside world.
There had even been some problematic discussions with the teachers, to which his mother had also been invited.
They then explained to him that he had great potential, but was just too lazy.
They gave him wonderful tips on how to position his desk so he could work more concentrated.
The problem wasn't his laziness, the problem wasn't his desk, the system had failed.
Louis thought that one should be able to develop free from birth.
A desire to learn and experience would arise naturally, in a grounded environment.
Teachers should inspire you for the world and be able to explain the interrelationships across subjects.
Everyone would learn if they did it for themselves.
That's how he learned guitar, that's how he learned to write and draw.
Humans would not all have to be brought to the same level of knowledge, humans rather had to become more aware of themselves and their environment, he believed.
And above all, you wouldn't have to carry this knowledge with you all the time - after all, what was the internet for?
It could act as the brain of all humanity, a huge database that stores knowledge in real-time, and everyone could do their part so that others could create new ideas based on the ideas and approaches stored there.
If only everyone would recognize the potential in it ... Sharing, everything, that was the key, Louis was certain of that.
On one hand, no thought or theory could ever be useless; you could build on every little approach, and you could learn from it - that's why every idea belonged out there, right?
On the other hand, he was just a small person, a speck of dust in the universe ... Maybe he should open a blog, maybe that wasn't that stupid.
He slid the curtain against his window and sat on his mattress.
In any case, the education system was for ass, it was also outdated, but it was never good.
Money kills independence and creativity.
Either you are the slave of the system without your own thoughts or you have your own mindset but you die.
The result was people like Clementine.
'School is terrible, but you have to go through it!' His mother had always said.
Even she had given up her dreams at some point ... The biggest mistake of the individual was that she was not aware of her power.
His mind has been revolving around the subject in recent days because he seriously doubted the decision to waste his time at school.
To what extent could the material that was conveyed to him there, and above all the way it was conveyed to him, really bring him forward?
The teachers there were almost all professional idiots who didn't care what would become of him.
They just rattled off their stuff every day and didn't really want to educate you; The main thing was that they got their money and often had vacations.
The best student would overtake his teacher sooner or later, Miss Grant would surely agree with him.
Anyone could learn from anyone, out of passion.
Being a teacher shouldn't depend on monetary interests, but on whether someone was able to get their students excited about the knowledge.
Because only then could you get someone to learn something, completely voluntarily and without pressure. Out of pure interest.
If all of this were the case, nine out of ten teachers from his previous school career would not have become teachers.
Everyone here had to find the motivation to understand the world, and Louis shouldn't just keep his results to himself.
He was totally lost in his thoughts again, this has happened to him more and more lately.
He felt like he was more in his head than in the real world, sometimes he literally sank into it.
His phone lit up, it was a message from Makayla:
'Come to the lake, need some music.'
His eyes wandered first to his guitar, then towards the bedside table to the ashtray.
Maybe for a change, the company of other people was exactly what he needed.
