TW: SUICIDE, DRUGS, DEPRESSION
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A bunch of Teenagers who want to find their way around the world.
Especially two people who slowly find their love for each other.
...
"Dragged my arm along a wall because I didn't feel any pain," he explained. ''Tillidin and shit like that.''
Louis had deep circles under his eyes. His dark skin looked like it was losing color and the eyelids of his half-open eyes showed black veins. Little vampire.
He grinned cheekily at her, turned lightly, and staggered to the window. He looked drunk and numb as if wrapped in cotton wool. She wondered how long he had been vegetating in this or a similar condition. His mom was too busy with her two jobs and Makayla has only been partying lately and therefore hardly at home. It was not unusual for Clem to disappear into rooms for days; she had given up trying to motivate him. Usually, that was May's job too. He had tried it before. Clem was the only one who knew about it. And she went to great lengths to forget it.
It had been a year since he tried to swallow an overdose of pills to kill himself. That was on vacation; Before that he had locked himself up in the room for days, writing and drawing lyrics and poems.
His mom assumed that they always missed each other and that he slept when she came into his room. He actually slept for three days in a row, then woke up and pretended it had never happened.
He had casually told Clem once. He had never liked being part of this world. A black cloud hovered over him too and she seemed to be his constant companion. He looked so delicate and wiry as if he were going to break under the sorrow of the world. Until now, Clem had always seen a brilliant bright light when she looked into his eyes, warm and full of love.
When was it gone? She had been able to watch how it had grown weaker and weaker and now completely disappeared; but what did she miss? At what point exactly did she have to do to keep the light from suffocating? His gaze was empty and unsteady, he wandered aimlessly and it was as if a veil of mist lay over his eyes.
He opened the window and for a moment she froze, unable to say anything or stop him from climbing onto his roof as they had done many times before.
But this time it was different; she was afraid he would slip, trip, and fall. He didn't have his body under sufficient control for such daring maneuvers.
He held out his hand to her and smiled so freely and openly that even his eyes briefly flashed. Did she see a spark there?
She stepped closer and took his hand.
Louis pulled them outside and they hopped up the stairs in a stooped position.
Somehow she managed to prevent her parents from noticing anything of this daring action. They just sat next to each other for a while, until she carefully ran her finger over the scratch on his arm. Otherwise, she would have tried not to get stuck with her eyes because she was afraid it might make him uncomfortable. She didn't want to stare. But now she stared, she no longer looked away, showed him clearly that she was aware of it and that it could not deter her.
''I always found the world to be the most beautiful from up here,'' he said, ''but it's just getting uglier and uglier, you can't even ignore it from this point of view.''
''I'm still happy to be able to live in it,'' replied Clem quietly and wrapped her arms around her bent legs.
''There is no place for me here.''
''You will always have a place in this world as you.''
''I don't feel like going into the drawers you're pushed into,'' he whispered.
''Create a new one.''
''If only it were that easy.''
''Maybe it's a test, and only if you can make it through the dark will you be rewarded.''
''Sounds like something I don't feel like doing.''
Energy never dies, so even if I shouldn't be there anymore, I'm still there. And ey, I always found that sentence really shitty '' Ugh, I live in your heart blah ... '' But I mean much more than this body is just something like a spaceship anyway, and what I am, is nothing that can ever be lost or end.
