The Suicide Club

✖Love✖️

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Chapter 28: Love

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The Silent Girl

I was good at holding grudges. And I was holding a big one against my mother. Yes, she begged for my forgiveness, but I wasn't giving it to her. She let me get beat every day by my father for fifteen years. It was going to take a hell of a lot more than begging to earn my forgiveness.

But somehow, it happened.

It had been two weeks since Jake had moved in with Zach, and we were all at Zach's apartment. Zach was kinda like the honorary member of the suicide club, more of an inspiration because he had made it out of the suicide club. He had battled his demons and won, and he was my role model. And since he had no friends his own age, he hung out with a bunch of suicidal high schoolers.

There was a knock on the door, and I got up to go get it. It was a delivery man. He smiled at me before saying, "package for Jake Demitrance."

"I can take that," I told him as I took the package and smiled at him.

I returned to the living room where everyone was, and handed Jake the package.

"It's for you," I told him.

"Wow, I never get mail," he commented while ripping it open. He gasped when he saw the contents. It was full of money. There was a card on top of it all with his name on it.

"What does the card say?" Julia questioned. "I mean, if you want to share."

Jake gulped before reading, "Dear Jake, this is your college fund. I know it can't make up for the hurt your father and I have caused you, but I hope it'll help a little. Your acceptance letter from Boston State came in yesterday, you got in on a scholarship for soccer! This is the rest of the money you'll need plus a little extra for living expenses. And Jakey, I kicked your homophobic asshole of a father out. You can come home if you want. Please, please come home. I love you so much no matter what your sexuality is. I just can't forgive myself because I think this is why you committed suicide. I'm so, so sorry. Please come home, I miss you. (And I'd love to meet your boyfriend.) Love, Mom."

Jake had tears streaming down his face, and Zach hugged him.

"Let's get you home," Zach announced.

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We drove Jake to his house, and his mom burst into tears when she saw him. They both looked so happy, and it moved all of us to tears. Right then and there, I knew I had to go see my mother. Even if I didn't go back and live with her, I had to tell her that I loved her and that I forgive her. I had to have that closure.

It was love that made me ask Zach to drive me to my mother's house.

It was love that made me walk up that pathway that I dreaded for fifteen years.

It was love that made me knock on the door that I used to call 'the door of depression'.

When I knocked, the door opened by itself. I furrowed my brow and walked inside cautiously. Something wasn't right, I could feel it.

"Hello?" I called. "Mom? It's me, Sydney."

No one answered, but I could feel my mom's presence.

I slowly walked to my parents' room. I cautiously opened the door and saw a terrible sight.

I saw my mother, but she wasn't breathing.

She was hanging from the ceiling fan.

And cut onto her right wrist was three words, written forever in blood.

Sydney, I'm sorry

Love made me do some other things.

Love made me break down right there and cry my eyes out until my friends found me.

Love made me get Zach and Jamie to cut down my mother's dead body.

And love made me cradle that dead body while mourning the life that used to live in it until I passed out.

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Later that week, I went to the prison.

I had to talk to one person.

I made the officials promise me that they would let me tell him.

I wanted him to hear the news from someone that cared about him.

I didn't love him, but I cared about my father. I wanted him to be okay. I knew he loved my mother. As badly as he treated her, he loved her.

I sat down on one side of the glass wall, and my dad sat on the other. He looked confused when he saw me, but he picked up the phone, nonetheless.

"I never thought I'd see you again," he gasped.

"Same," I sighed. "I...I have to tell you something."

"Wait, me first," he stopped me. "I-I've been doing some thinking. Sydney, what I did to you was no okay. I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore. I understand if you say no, but I want to regain your trust I shattered. I'm so sorry, I'm so, so, so sorry."

I saw tears falling down the old man's face. The were sincere tears, tears filled with love. He wasn't a good actor or liar, I knew they were real.

"I forgive you," I smiled. "But...you've got to listen to me. Mommy...she...I went to her house yesterday, and the door just swung open. I looked around until I came to your guys' room. She-she-she-"

I couldn't finish the sentence. The image of my mother's dead body kept replaying in my mind. Tears streamed down my face, and I sobbed uncontrollably.

"Sydney, darling, what is it?" My dad urged me, actual concern in his eyes. "What happened to Mommy?"

"She's dead," I whispered. "She hung herself, but before she did that, she cut three words into her thigh, 'Sydney, I'm sorry'. Daddy, I got there too late, she was dead, I'm so sorry, I should've gotten their sooner. God, this is all my fault! If I jus would've forgiven her sooner!"

"This is not your fault, Sydney," my dad promised me. I could tell he was trying not to fall apart. "Your mother made her own choice. And her choice was to die. If it was anyone's fault, it was mine. God, Sydney, I'm so sorry."

"I-I-I gotta go," I whispered before hanging up the phone and running back to the car where Jamie was waiting for me. He saw the tears in my eyes and just hugged me. He knew what to do. And love made me do one last thing.

"I love you, Jamie," I whispered.

He kissed my forehead.

"I love you, too, Kitten," he whispered back.

It was the first time I ever told someone I loved them and meant it.

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a/n: THIS WAS A BIG FAT CHAPTER OF EMOTIONS sOrRy

i like big BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE THOSE OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY

WHEN A GIRL WALKS IN WITH AN ITTY BITTY WAIST AND A ROUND THING IN YOUR FACE

did that even it out

no?

sorry

but I've been updating so much recently I'm so proud of myself

i wrote the last chapter of this story today and I cried so hard

so bye

(ps: that quote is so cute i love winnie the pooh)