The Suicide Club

✖️Butterflies✖️

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a/n: the picture is julia bc why not. just imagine she looks a bit younger

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Chapter 16: Butterflies

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The Girl With the Weird Drawings

My parents always told me to surround myself with people that made me happy. I had Jamie, Jake, and Sydney, but recently, I had added Jesse to the list. Whenever he was around, I was always smiling. He made me smile. He made the corniest jokes, he always had a story that could make me laugh, and he seemed to be actually interested in what I had to say. Most people didn't seem to care about what I had to say, not even my teachers. So eventually, I just stopped contributing, to classes, to conversations, to anything except my art, really. But Jesse made me want to talk to him all the time.

"So, I have the best joke for you," Jesse told me as he walked over to me one morning.

"And what would it be?" I asked him, grabbing some books from my locker.

"What did the toilet say to the other toilet?" He asked me, grinning from ear to ear.

"What?"

"You look flushed!" He exclaimed. I chuckled and held all of my books against my chest.

"Nice one," I chuckled as I slammed my locker door shut.

"No, it was an amazing one," he scoffed as he casually slung his arm around me, causing butterflies to fly up in my stomach. That moment gave me a great idea for a drawing. Good thing I had study hall fifth period.

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Over the next five days, I worked diligently on my drawing. I made countless sketches, and I was a bit apprehensive to start the final draft. Without Jesse by my side, I probably wouldn't have ever done it. He was by my side, every study hall to wipe pencil dust off of my hands or paint off of my cheeks or sing good songs to me or make me laugh.

"WE TOOK THE DAYS FROM HATCHING, BECAME AS MAD AS RABBITS, WITH BUSHELS OF BAD HABITS," Jesse had decided on 'Mad as Rabits' by Panic! At the Disco that particular day.

"AND WHO COULD ASK FOR ANYMORE?" I sang back.

"AND WHO COULD HAVE MORE?" We sang in unison, our off key voices probably haunting anyone within fifteen feet of the art room.

I was almost completed. I did one last stroke of paint and sighed happily. I gazed at my painting. It was a girl standing straight. She was completely made up of butterflies except for her flower crown. In the middle of her was a banner that read, 'butterflies can't see their wings, they can't see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that, too'. The background was a light blue. It reminded me of the sky. I was so proud of that painting.

"Done," I sighed happily.

"That's...amazing," Jesse gasped.

"Thanks," I giggled.

"No, like its amazing," he told me. "Like amazing amazing."

"No it's not," I replied.

"Jules," he told me.

"Jess," I mocked him.

He took a step closer to me, his brown eyes gazing into mine ever so carefully. We stayed like that for a moment until I saw him move his face a little closer and a strange thing happened. I moved mine closer, too. Before I knew it, we were kissing.

It took me a minute to realize what was happening. I quickly pushed him away. I couldn't like him like that. To like someone else like that, you have to like yourself first like that. I couldn't give him my affections that I had to give myself first. I know it sounds selfish, by I needed all the affections from myself I could muster.

"I'm sorry," I whispered before walking quickly out of that room, my boots clicking as I went.

I realized that I didn't sign that painting. Maybe it was for the best, perhaps all memories of that day needed to be forgotten and disowned.

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a/n: does anyone want to take me out for ice cream bc I feel like I deserve it after writing this entire chapter okay