The Suicide Club

✖️Death✖️

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Chapter 30: Death

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The Silent Girl

I didn't want to live.

I just simply didn't want too.

I wanted to see my mom again.

According to the Catholic Church, I wouldn't go to Heaven for taking my own life.

But my mom did the same.

So I suppose I'd be in the same place as her.

And that'd be okay.

I waited until Jamie and Jake went home, and Julia went to sleep.

And then I went into the bathroom and ran the bath.

I had put on a black dress.

I liked the color black, it wasn't sad, it was poetic. It seemed sad because it was closely related to death. But death isn't a sad thing. It's a release. A release from the harsh life that we had been forced into living. I see that as quite happy.

Then, I went to the medicine cabinet.

And I grabbed a pen and paper.

I wrote a note while the pills I had chosen stared at me.

Dear Jake, Jamie, and Julia,

I'm so incredibly sorry. But what you must understand is that I am an unhappy individual. The days in which we were friends were my best. Don't forget me, okay? And don't do what I did. Don't look for the easy way out. I needed to, you guys, you're amazing.

I love you guys so much.

Jake- you're the first person I felt like I could trust. You told me your biggest secret, so I told you mine. I don't know what to say about you. I love you so much. Julia said that I saved you guys, but honestly, you saved me. You saved me that night when you busted into my house. You saved me by just existing. So don't stop existing. You have so many people left to save.

Julia- you're my best friend. There's no doubt about it. You made me laugh when I wanted to cry and you took me into your house. I can never thank you enough for that. I take back that first line, you're my sister. I love you so much. Some people say 'oh you need to know someone for like a year to really love them'. I call that bullshit. You are my sister, and I love you as much as one person can love another. And I really hope that one day you can love yourself as much as I love you. So please, darling, have some chocolate for me.

Jamie- oh my God, what can I say? You're the great love of my life. You weren't my first kiss, but you were my best kiss. (Sorry Jake) I cannot say how much I love you. You've been there for me through every kind of day. You held me when I cried, laughed with me, and you were just there for me. And that's all I ever could have asked for. You're gonna find someone one day who will love you more than I ever could. Don't give up, okay? You need to find her. I love you.

Love,

Sydney

Xoxoxoxo

I cried as I finished the letter and folded it up on my desk. On the front, I wrote four words. To: The Suicide Club. And then, I took some pills, laid in the bath tub, and simply let the life inside of my slip away.

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a/n: that was a bit harsh wasn't it?

I would just like to make it clear that I do agree with Sydney's view on black and death, but I do NOT support suicide

If you are going through something that makes you want to do exactly what I just wrote, please, please message me. I won't tell a soul, and I promise, I'll give advice.

I love you all and it would kill me if you killed yourself 💕

(btw this isn't the end)