The Suicide Club

✖️The Hunger✖️

✖️✖️✖️

WARNING: this chapter may contain trigger warnings for some

✖️✖️✖️

Chapter 3: The Hunger

✖️✖️✖️

The Girl With the Weird Drawings

Before I knew it, it was the Thursday of the week I planned to kill myself with three people I had slowly begun to consider friends. I walked with Sydney to class, I talked to Jake without feeling overwhelmed by his popularity, and I had even taken a liking to Jamie. The only two people in our little group that you could tell didn't like each other was Jake and Jamie. Jake was gay, but Jamie didn't know that. Jamie had a huge crush of Sydney, and Jamie thought that Jake was trying to date Sydney. Jake didn't trust Jamie with his secret, so he didn't tell him. He just let Jamie believe what he thought was true.

I got home from school and almost let myself eat. But then I reminded myself that I wanted to be skinny if they found my body, so I held back. I drank some water and started on my homework. My parents were never around much because they both worked. They didn't notice that I never ate. And when I did, I usually purged it.

I finished my homework quickly, so I decided to work on my suicide note. I had written countless ones, but this one had to be perfect. I pulled out a pen and paper and began to write. Finally, I got the perfect note.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I'm sorry

I just couldn't carry on anymore.

You won't be able to understand.

I was drowning.

I was drowning in self hate.

I gave myself the relief I needed.

Don't be sad because I'm happier up here than I was down here.

You may never find my body, but if you do, please don't bury it.

My body is simply a shell of where my soul used to be.

Don't worry about it.

I love you all so much.

Please remember that.

Please know that I just needed to leave.

I've been suffering from anorexia for so long

I'm tired of trying to please everyone

You didn't cause this.

I love you.

I'm waiting for you,

Julia

Xxx

I folded up the note and left it on my nightstand with my parents' name on it. They would send someone to search through my room when I didn't come home the next night.

I think I decided why I was so sad. It was the hunger. And no, no the hunger in my stomach, the other hunger.

My hunger to fit in.

Ever since I was little, I was the odd one out. Most of my parents' friend's kids were boys, so I cut my hair short to fit in with them. Then, I got to primary school, and all the girls had long pigtails and ponytails. My mom let me grow my hair out, but none of the girls liked me anyways. I wasn't ever a very good conversationalist.

So, when I got to high school, I knew I had to change something. I cut my hair into the pixie style again. But there was still one problem. I was really fat. I wasn't the pretty one, so I decided to be the skinny one. I starved myself. I started starving in the middle of my freshman year, and my parents still hadn't noticed.

I doubt they would notice when I was actually gone.

They bought my affections. My parents were relatively wealthy. They worked hard to give us an upperclass life. But I got love. I would rather be poor and loved than rich and lonely. No one was ever there.

But I had three friends now.

Three friends I was going to end my life with.

✖️✖️✖️

A/N: so I'm gonna just talk for a little while.

I love the picture on the side because it's true. All bodies are beautiful. I hate hate hate hate HATE it when someone calls themselves fat. No it's just your body shape. And it's beautiful.

And I hate it how our society judges people if they have visible tattoos. So what if he has a snake going up his bicep? You're not gonna give him the job because of that!

Throughout this book you're gonna hear a lot of these rants. Let's call them Mary's Rant Time. (Because I need it dearly)

Oh! And I'm gonna try to update twice today because I've started the next chapter and I'm on the road all day so heyyyyyyy