A Dream come true

Phil's POV

Was I ready for the leap? Was I committed enough to take the fall? Could I invest myself into something that risky?

"It's okay Phil," Dan whispered softly as he stroked my hair gently.

The gesture was comforting, with his arms wrapped round me and his fingers tenderly caressed my deep black locks. I felt his chest rise and fall as with the steady breaths he was taken and I could feel his heartbeat as my head rested on his upper body. I was beginning to realize our petty awkwardness and tiptoeing around each other had been completely unnecessary; if we'd just confronted each other earlier maybe we wouldn't be so deep in this mess.

But that didn't matter right now, for now and in this moment everything was okay.

I doubted that once our calm and affectionate layers were peeled back, we may reveal the anger that has been seething in us but for now that was unimportant. Despite not actually talking about stuff yet, the whole making amends part had happened within about 5 minutes of us speaking and all it took was one stupid text to prompt me. I was a little shocked when I received the message, I'd so far guessed it had been because he was too nervous to do it face to face but I also thought that was nothing like the confident, speak your mind kind of Dan thing to do.

I felt Dan's hand stop stroking and the motion was accompanied with the sound of his voice informing me, "we really do need to talk though Phil."

My body seemed to manually stiffen at the sheer thought of talking through what happened because what happened was so out of the ordinary. Me: innocent, quiet Phil had dominated something so sexual and so unexpected.

I let his arms unfold from around me and I straightened my back and made my general posture more formal. This had to be a serious conversation, I had to act serious. I couldn't act serious if I was hunched over and slouched against Dan's chest.

Dan manoeuvred himself (still with his legs crossed on the bed) to face me so I mirrored him and brought my legs up from dangling over the edge of the be and bent them beneath me. Once I was finished negotiating with my legs, I looked up and allowed my eyes to fixate upon his. This was the first time in our encounter I'd properly studied him. His hickory shade hair, was left curly (the way I like it) and the soft tousled strands were sprawled in all different positions on his forehead; I never and will never understand why he dislikes his hair curly, sure it's a little inconvenient but other than that I see no reason to hate it. I always beg him to leave it in the 'hobbit' style as often as possible but usually my attempts go disregarded or met with some argument about how horrible it looks. His skin was always so tan compared to mine and it always looked so soft, however, right now it looked dull and dry and I guessed it was due to how he hadn't left his room (except to eat or go to the toilet) in almost two weeks and he was seriously lacking sunlight in his room. His chocolate eyes that were usually sparkling seemed lifeless and muddy and they were outlined with sleep deprivation circles. I was beginning to realize our whole falling out had effected him just as much as (maybe more then) it effected me. Evidently neither of us had completed much in the time we had been wallowing in self pity and I'd ignored the emails that were piling up in my inbox, some of them I'd deduced from the titles (before I'd shut my laptop and therefore shut my responsibilities) were pretty important but at that moment my mind was far to occupied to concentrate on anything.

Dan's sharp intake of breath brought me back to focusing on the task at hand rather than the past and I decided I would let him talk first. Things would be a lot easier for me to explain if I was being asked specific questions rather than just letting the thoughts flow into word form.

"I just need to know one thing," he admitted, "did you mean it or was I just the closest gay male you could find to satisfy your horniness?"

I hadn't expected him to be so blunt about it. Who was I kidding? This was Dan, he was blunt and too the point with almost everything, I just was unsure if this was the right time to be. Plus, had he really thought I'd have risked ruining our friendship for a possible one night stand?

"Dan, w-what happened it w-was-" I stuttered.

"Just say it, okay? We kissed. Well, I don't know if it could be classed as a bit more than that but for now we'll leave specifics out. We kissed, it doesn't need to be some big secret or given a code name. What happened was our lips collided in a kiss okay?" he barked.

I cleared my throat and composed myself, rather quickly for the situation. I suspected Dan's sternness and candor tone was what spurred me on to straighten myself out.

"Okay, fine. Our kiss obviously meant something too me. In actuality it meant quite a lot to me and if it hadn't and it was just out of desperation for someone to love, I would never have endangered our friendship. I love you too much as a best friend to throw it all away on one simple impulse," I rattled off the words without fail and shocked myself at how easy we were discussing this.

I'd expected us to be all awkward and inaudible whispers not clear voices and intellectual thoughts.

"Okay, well if it's any constellation, it meant a lot to me too," he admitted and I felt my lips immediately curl up into a smile.

Wait, he liked me back? It had always puzzled me about his romantic life as the entire time we'd been friends he'd never even mentioned a girlfriend (or boyfriend but I assumed he'd say girl considering he'd only just came out) never even a slight crush. He'd occasionally mentioned meeting someone at a bar and staying at their house, back then I'd just assumed he meant sex but now I saw him in a different light. I'd always assumed he was a real charmer to the ladies and found it near enough impossible to walk out of a bar without someone on his arm. But non of that was relevant because he liked me and our kiss had meant something to him.

"Now tell me another thing," he paused and I felt the nerves begin to seep through me and I began to fear I couldn't keep my cool any longer, "do you want to love me?" His voice shook as he spoke and the notion that he could break down over this threw me into a panic.

What if I admitted my feelings and he didn't feel the same? Was I even ready to admit it aloud? I'd barley admitted to myself let alone the person responsible for the affection that bubbled in me currently.

"Yes," i whispered as if it was a secret.

And too me it was. It was the biggest secret I still had left to keep and now it's out in the air. The sound waves have travelled through the air and it's impossible to bring them back. The secret is out.

"Do you love me?" I asked after the moments silence made me edgy.

"Phillip Lester, I have loved you since I laid eyes on you you massive dork," Dan laughed.

That's what really did it. Do you ever get so happiness and your heart feels so full of tenderness that it feels like it may actually drop out of your chest. His honey sweet words had melted my heart and scrambled any thought process I'd had churning in my brain and all I was able to remember was the way he'd said my name and the beautiful words that had followed it.

A/N-- Not even sorry for any feels this may have caused bc I was so sappy when I wrote this so here have sappy me, it doesn't happen too often but here have it, take it. I'm in such a weird mood today, a roller coaster of emotions one might say. But anyways, yeah the Brits is on tonight and I'm excited for that so you should totally watch that and if you're in different countries you should totally illegally download that. Ayyyy, I mean that's so illegal shhh don't do that (but pls do) That's all so I hope you enjoyed this and BYEEEEE.