A Dream come true

Phil's POV

To hear Dan say those words made my head swim with delight. Just the notion that he would say something so adorable when I felt so awkward made my lips form a gleeful grin I just couldn't hide.

Dan's face was blocked in my view by the way he leaned back but I really hoped he was smiling too. He deserves too. He spends all his time picking up my broken pieces and never once takes time to take care of himself.

Obviously I enjoyed his efforts to put a smile on my face but internally I knew if he was never happy, I could never be fully happy as well. His smile was what brightened me even in the darkest times and if I never saw it, my day was instantly dull.

Was i relying too much on him?

Sometimes it feels like I'm too needy-- as if I need his approval in everything I do and that I need him a lot more than he needs me. I lean on him when I need to but recently he's kept his distance and internally it killed me. He seemed to handle it a lot better. It was as if he didn't want me to depend on him anymore and for those last few weeks it ripped me apart to see the distance grow between us.

However, I was hoping my big confession would put him more at ease. Maybe he'd loosen up now that he knows I'm not hiding my true self anymore. It was like the viel had lifted and my true form had been revealed. I just prayed he meant what he said. I just don't think I could handle further rejection. 

"You're my best friend, you idiot and nothing will change that."

Those words were the only thing that mattered on right now. I was so focused I didn't notice he'd sat up straight and I practically didn't hear him when he spoke up.

"So, now you've got that off your chest does that mean you'll be happy again and we can go back to frolicking in the fields of joy?" The last bit was obviously sarcastic but I could tell the essence of the question was serious.

"I guess so." I said shyly.

We sat in silence for a while. It wasn't an awkard silence though just a comfertable one. Then Dan stood up and fetched his laptop from the corner of the room.

I expected him to return to his original place and I was supprised when he came back to sit next to me-- a little closer than usual I might add. I studied him as he went through his usual routine of scrolling through tumblr and twitter, laughing occasionaly. I was glad he was sat close because at least now I could admire his tumblr feed rather than just hear his laugh and have no idea what he thought was so hysterical.

I also enjoyed the ammount of Phan shipper posts that convieniantly made their way onto his dashboard. Suddenly, I noticed something particular that flooded my senses with memories. Gifs from the first ever Philisnotonfire-- more specifially the one where Dan was talking and I attacked him with a hug. Obviously we cut the bit out of the video where we just lay and stared at each other for a while. That was the first moment I really thought we might kiss and then he turned away. Just like that. We'd been all lovey heart eyes and then he was giving me the cold shoulder. I pretended not to mind that much but it hurt me a little. I knew I'd been foolish to hope, but nevertheless, I'd hoped.

Dan was hovering over that certain gif too which drove me to the conclusion he remembered that moment a lot more now. I was hoping he hadn't pieced together in his mind that my gayness and our -almost kiss but not almost because I might have just imagined it was romantic- meant that I liked him. I knew Dan had a knack for this sort of puzzle but considering that was 5 years ago and he still hadn't pieced together that I like him I guessed he couldn't do it in this ammount of time.

"Do you remember that day?" Dan's voice asked loudly.

"Obviously," I replied, "How could I forget the birth of Philisnotonfire?"

He laughed slightly and responded with, "We should probably think about making another one of those. 6 year anniversary of cat whiskers."

"yeah, we should." I muttered absant mindely.

My attention was really zoomed in on that particular gif and thoughts of how he would react if I did it right now. Just jump on him in a hug and laugh it off. Those were the times I missed-- everything could be shaken off with a laugh.

Fuck it.

I thought and I leaped on him and wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him down with me. Being saturated in his clossness I got a little lost in the moment but was glad I could hear his laugh of ammusmant. 

"Maybe we can put that bit in our 6th anniversary?" I giggled.

"Maybe." he replied and that was it.

He sat back up and continued scrolling through Tumblr as if nothing was different and that's when I knew we were back to normal. Gestures that used to be considered unacceptable were just something to be shrugged off as if nothing and I liked that. I liked it a lot. I was happy with this predicement. If I couldn't have him as a boyfriend at least I could have him as a best friend. And having his company was all that mattered to me right now.

A/N-Horray for old school Philisnotonfire memories.Plus yay for not staying on schedule because 4 days is a lot of time when I have a lot of plot proggesion in my head and I can never emulate that much plot in one chapter I need ALL THE CHAPTERS. Okay so I've thought a lot about if they actually could have kissed after that attack hug IRL and I've sort of wrapped my own little fantasy around it but for the sake of plot line I did an almost kiss so don't hate me. Hope you enjoy the physical embrasing in this chapter but okay byeee.