A Dream come true

Dan's POV

Editing the video took a while and seemed to consist of me actually doing while Phil told me how to arrange it all. He really was super creative and knew exactly how he wanted everything arranged and without him there, I would have taken a lot longer to get everything done.

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After posting any video I enjoy looking at any feedback given; whether it be in the comments, on Twitter, or in Tumblr, I read all of it. Overwhelmingly the most prominent comment was that Phil and I seemed to act a lot more comfortable with each other and have a lot more physical contact. I wasn't sure that was concisely true but I had noticed we acted different together. Once we'd got into the swing of everything, Phil seemed to be actually having fun and his laughter became less forced and more realistic. Actually, there was one tweet that stuck in my mind: " Dan and Phil are acting gayer than ever and I love it." It didn't stick because of the usage of the word gay but because it made me realise the viewers had noticed how much more comfortable we were with each other. We'd touched each other a lot more than I viewers would class as normal and they'd picked up on it and to be honest I was glad. Phil looked happy. Phil was happy. Phil was happy with me. It made my heart do the floppy, turney, sumersaulty thing to just think about Phil being genuinely happy next to me. Most importantly he was being himself. He hadn't had to worry about if too much touching would make me think he was gay and wanted him to keep his hands off. Now I knew he was and he knew I was okay with it, he didn't need to mask himself with, "she was hot," or "yeah, totally would," as that wasn't him. The real him was, "wow, he had a nice butt," or "Dan you should wear brighter colours," and I liked him a lot more now that he wasn't hiding.

But I guess all that make me a hugely hypocritical. I couldn't accept myself and that was affecting the way I lived my life. I attempted to pretend that the way Phil's father had gone on hadn't given me a shock and maybe made me doubt how my parents would react but in actual fact, I was terrified. Everything was going great when Phil told his family and then John piped up and left Phil a complete mess. I could imagine my youtuber friends being cool with it as a lot of other people in the community were also gay but it was a different story for everyone else. I'd grown up with a mostly supportive family but my high school years had been a different story. No one in my school had been openly gay (mainly for there own safety against bullies) but a few had been supposedly gay. This obviously meant they had been subjected to the last 3 years of their school lives being made a living hell for them.

I'd never stood up for them.

That's what will always stay in my mind.

I'd never stood up for them.

I'd known what was happening was wrong and that I should have told someone and exploited the bullies, but I didn't. I stood back and watched it happen. I lived in denial that I wasn't like those people who were punched and pushed over every day but in actual fact I was too much like them. I laughed at them. I laughed while people were hurt because of how they were born and in reality it tore me apart to see them even being nudged but I could never say anything because I'd be branded as a 'faggot' or a 'puff' and that scared me. Fuck, I was such a dick.

But that was the past. I can't change that but today I can accept myself. I can help Phil along his journey of accepting himself and if anyone gives him shit I can stand up for him. I have to make the choice to not let Phil get trampled on by ridiculous homophobes becuase I've seen what they can do to him and it broke me to see him cry so much. Just watching him stationary on the couch for a week was terrible. Knowing we got an amazing response from Philisnotonfire warmed my heart because Phil looked happy and if Phil was happy then I was happy. 

A/N-- I know I kinda sterotyped gays in the middle where I said Phil would give Dan advice on what to wear and I sincerly appologise if it offends anyone it's just I imagine even straight Phil would attempt to get Dan to wear bright colours and shit idk. Okay so this one got a bit sorta into Dan's back story of how shite his school was and stuff but there may be more of that to come who knows. Maybe a few flashback chapters idk. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope you all had a very happy holiday even if the family you spent it with doesn't accept you. Byeee