A Dream come true

Phil's POV

It kind of annoyed me that Dan pulled me away from work just to get microwave meals. I would of liked it if he'd taken charge and said for sure we were going to a restaurant and he'd already booked a table.

That'll never happen.

My subconscious sneered at me but never the less, it was the truth.

I had a painful habit of being okay and slipping back into my old ways. Having my social ineptness haunt me in front of Dan never used to be an issue but it just seemed to crop up more and more nowadays.

Maybe because had been Dan tiptoeing around me recently. I think we're drifting apart but I don't know why. I don't really think I've outright done anything to upset him and if I have he hasn't mentioned it. But I want nothing more to go back to the old days where we would watch films together, eat together and even sleep in the same room and it would mean nothing. Just a act of friendliness, not love or lust.

It's like one day he decided he didn't want that any more, that we have to be wary of what we do together because of all the people who ship us and might take things the wrong way.

I never thought things like that would affect him. I mean he was was just a happy, go lucky sort of guy most of the time. Although he could have his episodes. The days he just wants to stay away from everyone but I just can't let him be alone. I just hate to think he could be upset and want me to do nothing about it.

It was really hurtful to me that he'd actually thought 'shippers' would affect our relationship. Why should he care what people do, it's our lives? People ship us because they like us being together, so why can't we give them what they want.

I know there's literally one thousand ideas that spring to mind which would be a perfectly rational answer to that question but I prefer not to think about it.

By now the normal length of time between a conversation and acting on what was said had passed so I gave Dan another awkward smile and stood up. Why does he make me feel so... shy?

Because you're in love with him you fool.

I sighed knowing my subconscious was telling the truth. At least I think it was. To be fair I've never been in love before so it was hard to judge but I'd been crazy over Dan long before we'd moved in together.

Over 2 years and still nothing, let it go Phil. But somehow I couldn't let it go. There was that tiny voice at the back of my head screaming that I just go for it. The rest of my body remained was still against the whole 'see how it goes' thing and no matter how much I wanted to kiss him I could never bring the up the courage to do so.

That still didn't stop my actual feelings though. I didn't really believe them at first like I thought it was just because he was a nice guy, I mean I'd never experienced love for a guy before but neither had I for a girl so it was just a thought. Then he started to pop into my brain at every mention. Not just an innocent thought though. More like a wow I really want to just sit and admire you work for a while; which had become a common habit.

Turns out my sigh was slightly to loud and may have alerted Dan of my annoyance. I wasn't necessarily mad at him I just had a lot on my mind.

"Wait, what's wrong Phil?" Dan called as I exited the room swiftly and I heard his footsteps following me.

I kind of liked it that when he knew something was wrong he'd come after me. I liked that even when he didn't know everything he still didn't let me be myself when I was upset. But I couldn't open up to him no matter how much I wanted.

"Um, nothing" I shouted back (a little louder than expected) but he was still coming to talk to me so I might as well make myself comfortable.

I sat down at the end of my bed and just waited for him to come in. He came bounding in at full speed but stopped at the door. Why was I so bad at hiding my feelings? God, I am so stupid.

I felt my eyes well up with tears. No, you will not cry over Dan, infront of Dan. That'll just make things worse get it under control.

And some how, I managed to. I bit my bottom lip to make sure no sound escaped my mouth and just waited for Dan to say something, or at least to sit on the bed like he usually does. But after a while of silence I realised he was waiting for me to say something. What though?

"Sorry, I'm just a bit upset, it's just I really like you and even though you're not gay can you please kiss me" yeah, if this was how to make Dan run away screaming then go ahead. I had to be subtle.

"So" I began, breathing heavily, "What are we going to eat?"

I couldn't even look at him.

I never usually got this upset over silly things, it was just a bad day for me I guess.

"Phil, please tell me what's wrong." he breathed, his voice was more of a plea and it warmed my heart to know how much he cared.

That's when I lost it and the tears spilled over my eyes and onto my cheeks. Nice one Phil, really great.