A Dream come true

Dan's POV

"PHILL!" I screamed from my bedroom, "COME HERE!" I drew out each word as if to emphasize its importance.

I heard his light, tinkering footsteps from his room to mine and his prior sigh of can't-be-botheredness and then I see him open my door slightly as he cranes his head in to see me.

His hair is messy due to him not having the general energy to tame it on a lazy day like this and a few stray strands currently litter his face. Also, he hasn't shaved in a few days and unlike me (who has the hair distribution of an 8 year old girl) he's beginning to grow some stubble.

He runs his hand through his hair and looks at me expectantly. I usher him into the room with a flamboyant hand motion and gesture for him to sit on my bed.

"We need to have a chat." I say sternly.

We've been having a lot more serious conversations now that Phil's dad has completely disbanded him. Despite me being younger it's like he looks up to me for help now. Phil and John never really had a close father-son relationship but now he knows that's impossible to have it's as if he's clinging on to any relationships he can get. He needs guidance and even though sometimes I get lost myself, he seems to think I'm the best one for that.

"What about?" He asks, a confused expression creeping across his features, "Have I done something wrong?"

"No, no of course not." I said hastily, " I was just wondering if you were, you know, going to make a coming out video."

The thought had been prominent in my mind since the day he told me. I know it sounds selfish but I kind of liked how private this whole thing was. However, I knew that was foolish as the only was Phil was to finally accept himself was for him to show the real him.

"Not that you have to of course. I was just curious." I added.

"I don't know. I know it'll have to come eventually but maybe not right now." he mumbled anxiously and I wondered if I was being to hasty.

"Yeah. It's your choice I just thought, the more people you told and the more were okay with it, it might help you realize you're okay. Just forget I mentioned it." I murmured.

"No, no, it's a good idea and I've been thinking about it a lot I just don't think I'm ready yet. Soon though, just not now."

I studied his expression and tried to envision the exact emotions going through his mind at this precise moment. It has to be hard on him to pick himself up after the drop that's been lingering over our every conversation lately. We hadn't really spoken about it and it seemed he really didn't want to. However, I didn't know if I was just staring blindly and that he was waiting for me to bring it up so he could feel comfortable discussing it. And to be fair I didn't know if I should bring it up so I decided against the idea.

A silence graced the room as I thought over everything.

I wondered what he would say in his video. I wondered if he would let me be there while he filmed. I wondered if he'd mention his dad.

I realize now that I worry about Phil a lot more than I worry about myself. How would I come out? Would I even have the guts to do it. I've been so wrapped up in helping Phil accepting himself (not that it was unimportant) I'd never even slowed down so much as to think of accepting myself. 15 year old me would say "just shake it off, you'll get over it. You like girls, okay?" but this was 23 year old me and I was fucking sick of just 'shaking it off'.11 years is not a phase. 11 years is the real me and for the 12 years prior I hadn't a clue what being gay meant so they are secluded.

"Is that all you wanted me for?" Phi asked, finally popping my bubble of thought.

"Um, yeah. Sorry." I apologized, looking at the floor as I don't think I can look at him after the inner turmoil i just experienced without blurting out the confession.

I didn't want it to be an on the spot kind of thing. Neither did I want it to be a drunken confession.I wanted to feel comfortable and do it on my own terms, where I felt comfortable saying it. And that time was not now. I don't know when It'll be but it was not now.

I ws still staring at the floor when I heard the door shut and when I looked up Phil was gone.

Well, at least he was for about 10 seconds.

He opened the door just as I let out a large sigh of frustration. He locked his gaze with mine and I felt my eyes glaze with tears, which I quickly blinked away.

"I'm not mad at you. I understand your curiosity, it's just I'm not ready." he reassured me, "I will be ready but not yet."

I nodded slightly, he gave me a shy smile and left the room.

A/N-Sorry for being a bit M.I.A but you know new years, family gatherings all that didn't really give me much time. However (warning self promo coming up) as there's not going to be smut in this for a while on New years day I wrote a little one shot. It's my first ever attempt at smut so constructive criticism would be appreciated. but keep it constructive not mean. Plus, I put a gif of Phil with stubble just because DAMN BOY YOU LOOKIN FINE. It had to be said, okay I hope everyone had a good new year and is ready for 2015. ENJOY!