I've Changed

41. proud of you

Jae's pov

I notice the pillow wrapped around my arms as my eyes open to the slight emptiness at my side. As I look out the bedroom door and see the faint light coming from downstairs, my eyes squint in the dim light. My brows furrow as the low voice of Ellie, who is presumably on the phone, pierces my ears.

I take my glasses from the side before looking at the alarm clock on the shelf and finding that it's nearly 7 a.m. I slid out of bed slowly, putting on a hoodie before leaving the room since this penthouse was a little chilly. As I descend the staircase, my attention is drawn to the New York sunrise, the orange hues glistening through the windows. As I round the corner, I see Ellie pacing back and forth on her place, her phone pressed to her ear. Before hanging up, she turns around to face me, unfazed by my presence.

"What are you doing?"I speak softly, mindful of Theo's snoring as I approach her. I notice her tired eyes and tense body, but she hides it behind an expressionless face.

"I couldn't sleep," she sighs, frustratingly rubbing her temples before tossing her phone on the couch. "I got a call from coach," she says, raising her eyes to me, and I furrow my brows as her formidable brown eyes sparkle for a brief moment as she passes by the bright sunlight.

"At this time?" When she approaches me, I tilt my head and she takes my hand in hers to lead me to a stool next to the kitchen counter.

"Father duties," she says, rolling her eyes as she pushes me down my seat, raising my brows in surprise. She folds her arms and creates a small space between us as she looks intently at me without showing any emotion, which makes my heart race.I start to wonder if I hurt her while she was sleeping. If I slept through her nightmares? What if I made a mistake in the first few minutes of our morning together?

"Can you be completely honest with me, Jae?" As I gulp down my nerves by her stance that radiates so much perseverance early in the morning, she maintains a blank face.

"Of course," I say, nodding and giving her my full attention as my gaze meets hers and I see her biting her cheek to keep from smiling.

"Did Cassidy contribute in your failure to pass half of your classes last year?" My stomach instantly sinks as she lifts her brow. My eyes widen as she tells me about the things she discovered, and I almost fall out of my seat, but she pulls me back in. "How the fuck did you manage to miss half of your year?"

"I-,"I look down at my lap, fidgeting with my fingers, as I become nervous and anxious about the subject. I pushed my problems in Alberta to the back of my mind, but Ellie bringing it up brings back memories that make me shudder. "How did you find out?"

"I got copies of your stats during your program in Alberta, and obviously you weren't doing too well," she explains, making me feel even more disappointed in myself. "You're putting the blame on yourself."

"Because it was entirely my fault that I was unable to put efforts last year. I shouldn't have let Cassidy force me around, but I did because..."

"You loved her, yeah, I know," she admits, making my heart ache at the frankness, because I would've done better in my training if I hadn't been fooled by my feelings. "However, that doesn't explain why half of your practices and trainings were skipped."

"I know," I admit, embarrassingly looking down at my lap as memories of my past flood back in. I take a deep breath before meeting her gaze, her eyes glistening like honey under the orange hues of the sun. "Coach told me at the beginning of the year," I say.

"She'd blame me for not putting my dedication into our relationship because I was too preoccupied with training and basketball when in reality I did anything but," my mind wanders to the many disagreements Cassidy and I would have, making my stomach knot with grief.