I've Changed

49. jello

I hate men

I hate men degrading me

I hate being pitied by them

I hate being weak

I hate my life

I hate myself

"Eeyore," When I deliver a hard punch to his left strike pad, Theo stumbles back, but that doesn't stop me from continuing.

I hate myself

When I swing my arm over his head, Theo ducks before hooking it across his chest, which he blocks with a striking pad.

I hate myself

I hit Theo's right hand a few times before moving to my other hand to punch in time with his spotting. When my feet shuffle back and forth, my body feels light on my toes, almost numb, and the slight pressure on my knuckles sends a shiver down my spine. My mind plants images in front of me as I get closer to my target, making me even more enraged and irritated. I jab my hand on the pad with all my might, before moving forward and swinging.

"Ellie," I stop as my vision clears and I see Theo sprinting to the side just as my arm's momentum propels me forward to where his face was. My gaze is drawn to Jae, who wears a worried expression and has Theo hiding behind him. As the team is exercising and working out, I glance around the gym and see them watching me sweat and furiously pour all my frustration into my punches.

"My bad," I say as I take a step back and turn away to get a drink of water from Theo, who nods. As I set my bottle down, my head snaps up, sensing Jae's presence behind me. When my gaze wanders to Elijah and Lucas, who give me a sheepish grin while on the treadmills, I let out a sigh, annoyed by everyone's concern.

"Why don't you take a break?" I feel Jae's hands on my shoulders as he spins me around to face his bare chest. Before looking up and meeting his hazel eyes, I glance down and see his shirt tied to his basketball shorts.

I shake my head and watch as he nods. "No," I reply. When he returns and approaches Theo before putting on the strike pads, I furrow my brows. I sigh exasperatedly as I slowly approach him and he secures the pads around his wrists.

"What's wrong?" He asks, raising his hands as I take my place in front of him and adjust my posture, rolling my shoulders and neck to relieve tension.

"Nothing," I say, gently strike his side, which causes him to lift his brow. I roll my eyes and I pound harder on the other pad, watching his lips smirk.

"Don't lie Ellie Mae," he says as I get into a rhythm by jabbing with my left, then right, and finishing with a left hook.

"I'm not," I shrug as I take a step back to give Jae a chance to catch his breath and relax his shoulders. He stares at me, watching my desperate movements as I frantically move about, full of adrenaline and energy. "Go," I demand, watching as he raises his hands, signaling that I can still resume my routine.

"Let it out, I know your mad"

As Jae shuffled back at the impact, I punch hard with a cross punch, "I'm not mad." He regains his balance before I follow up with another hook and a jab. My muscles are burning every time they contract to drive more strength into my punches, and the pain is numbing my limbs.

"I can tell," he says, his brows furrowing, urging me to keep on with my routine as he follows. My vision blurs again, this time with so much rage that I lose track of everything around me and just want to let it out. As I sense the tremendous tension rising through me and reflecting it back to my punches, I bring all of my force into my punches, hooking and jabbing into the pads.