I've Changed

44. not him

When I hear him shifting in his sleep, I whisper, "Jae." I press my hand against his forehead, noting the heat radiating from his skin and the sweat drenching the strands of his hair. I frown as he winces in his sleep, uncomfortably shifting in our bed sheets. My heart aches as I recall past nightmares, which creep back into mind during what should be a time of relaxation and sleep.

"Wake up, Jae," I say as I kiss his forehead, his eyes fluttering open in shock. He looks stunned around him, but it's clear he's scared and nervous. I brush his hair away as he melts under my touch and relaxes as he realizes who it is. "It was just a bad dream," I reassure him as he comforts himself by kissing my pulse. I lean back in my bed, inviting him to rest his head against my chest. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him, as if he's afraid I'll go. My hands move under his shirt, noticing his tense muscles as he controls his breathing.

He kisses my chest and then rests his cheek against it, whispering, "Sorry." He admits, his groggy voice from waking up evident in his tone, "I never had a nightmare like that." I comfort him by kissing his forehead and showing him that I understand how he feels.

"We can have them once in a while," I say as I massage his shoulders, his body immediately relaxing as he feels relieved by my touch.

"I'm sorry for waking you up," he says as he turns his head to face me, his eyes heavy with tiredness as he tries to hold them open.

"I was already awake," I shrug, rubbing his cheekbone as my gaze wanders over his nose to each freckle. I raise an eyebrow when I note the frown on his face.

He tells me, "You need to sleep Ellie Mae, it's not good you're overworking yourself," and I turn away to my books and computer in the corner of my room. I sigh, understanding that even in Jae's embrace, I'm incapable of sleeping peacefully. Though I have no nightmares with him and feel safe and secure in his arms, I'm just afraid of having bad dreams in the middle of the night and worrying him when I wake up like the last time.

"I'll sleep with you," I offer, a weak smile on my face as I try to persuade him, but I can tell he's hesitant when he looks at me blankly. As he intertwines my hand and draws me into his embrace, he slides to his side, leading me to lie next to him. As Jae drapes his arm around my body, I place my head on the pillow and we adjust ourselves to lie comfortably on our sides. My head rests on his shoulder, my back feeling his chest heave with his steady breathing, our legs entangled, and my hands rubbing against his forearms, which are tightly wrapped around my waist. I kiss his arm when I notice his breathing has slowed, making it difficult for me to stay awake.

"Go to sleep, Ellie Mae, you need it," he says as he tucks my hair behind my ear and brushes it to the side to keep it out of my way, his gentle movements make it difficult to fight the desire to sleep.

My eyes flutter shut as he rubs my shoulders, plays with my hair, and kisses my temple to ease my tension. It wasn't long before I noticed him dozing off again, causing my eyes to open. As my hand traces Jae's hands around my waist, my gaze trails to the sunrise in the distance, orange hues glowing within the room. I sighed softly, content in his embrace, but I couldn't possibly fall asleep at this point.

I turn around in his embrace, my gaze wandering over his features, and I'm taken aback by how attractive he is. His hair is messed up from the night, his lips are pouted out, making him appear more plump, his slight freckles are sprawled across his cheeks, and the sun shining on his face makes them more noticeable. My thumb brushes over his subtle flush on his cheekbones, feeling the warmth of his fair skin radiating off of it, his eyelashes casting a shadow due to the room's highlights reveals their length, and finally his peacefulness when sleeping when his face shows relaxed and happy makes me smile that he is.