No Regrets - Izuku Midoriya x OC (MHA/BNHA)

XXXVII.

It was noon. The sun heated up the entire house and even a dozen of air conditionings couldn't cool it off. There was a mist in our house just like any other hot day; the air could even be called thick. Alex was on her phone again and I was trying to fix our kitchen tap which has been leaking for five days now; it started a day after Alex's return. I wasn't making any progress except causing a smaller flood so I gave up and went into my study instead. 

"Deku?" Alex called me. 

"Yes, sweetie?" I went out into the living room where she was. 

"Can we go shopping today?" she gave me puppy eyes. 

"Sure", I chuckled and got back to my files. 

Being with the League has changed her. I ignored the fact she now lied smoothly, unlike before when she couldn't lie about her favourite colour. She was chirpier and even took more care of herself. Yesterday I went onto my shift and left her arranging her hair - when I got back four hours later she was still in front of the mirror. I like it. She never did that before, she always thought of other people first. I believe she didn't think about what she wants for her entire life. 

I was going through the LOV files. My conscious was pestering me badly. I encouraged it myself. Wanting to suffer by the bad deeds I have done, I'd just stare at the files and how wanted all the members really are by the police. Alex didn't seem to mind it. She either ignored it or bottled it inside. I just hoped the cork wouldn't pop out unexpectedly and cause problems. I really didn't need them. 

My phone rang. Every time it did, I hoped it was Hawks. But it was Shoto. Ironically, I was just reading about Dabi. 

"Oi, Midoriya", he said. 

"What's up?" I replied.

"We're going camping. Interested in coming?"

"Who else is invited?" I chuckled. 

"Momo, Uraraka, Iida, Tsu and Jirou. You in?"

"I really don't want to leave Alex just yet... You know, since she just got back from her trip!"

"Eh, she's invited too. Uraraka said she was all...heh... giddy and cheerful yesterday."

"Yeah. She's happy to be back. Alright then, I'll see with her and then call you back."

"Sounds good. Oh, and, Uraraka asked you to call her. She said you didn't answer your home phone."

"Odd. It didn't ring at all. Okay, I will. Thanks."

"Bye."

"Bye", I hung up. 

I sighed heavily. I looked up and saw a shadow next to my doors. It was still. Figuring it was Alex, I stood up and walked to the doors quietly. It almost looked as if she was eavesdropping. Frowning, I opened the door with a fast move. She looked at me with a confused grin. 

"Shall we?" she asked. 

"Where?" I furrowed my brows at her. 

"Shopping, remember?" 

"Oh, right. Yeah, here are the car keys, I'll be there in a second", I gave her the keys and she hopped away. 

She is... wow. I guess after being shut in that hole for days, it's only normal to behave like that. 

I called Uraraka. I wondered what she wanted to talk about since Todoroki already informed me about the camping. We usually went to a little meadow near Momo's house. A cozy place very suitable for camping trips like ours. 

"Deku? Hey, you didn't answer your phone. I rang, like, 5 times!" she exclaimed bubbly. 

"I didn't hear it at all! Wait, let me find it..." I went into the dining room where I last saw it, "You go on, I'm listening!"

"Oh well... I don't really know how to put this", she said and I felt her discomfort even through the phone, "but... I have... I've noticed Alex is different."

I remained silent for a moment. After a break I said: "What do you mean, 'different'?"

"Well you know how she usually is... a bit more quiet and calm and so friendly. But yesterday she was so... loud and aggressively happy."

"How could she be aggressive?" I scoffed, discarding her statement. 

"Dunno, Deku. I just noticed it, that's all. I could be wrong. Did she talk to Hatsume?"  

"Yeah. Yesterday. She didn't tell me anything."

"Alright then. Sorry", she chuckled awkwardly, "if I caused unneeded commotion. See you at camping?"

"I guess. Th-thanks for your concern", I added. 

"See you!"

I hung up and covered my face with my palms. I was still stuck in the dining room. All this made me sweat nervously. What if someone were to find out? I'd never be forgiven. I have a degree in Tourism, but...

I don't even want to think of that.

I forgot about the phone and ran to the car where Alex waited for me, blasting K-Pop. I laughed at her choice.

"Are you finally into it? Did I make it to persuade you?" I said jokingly. 

"Clearly", she replied, somewhat confusedly. 

I drove us off to the mall. It was extremely hot, the temperatures went over 38 degrees Celsius. Entire Tokyo was in a way slow. People dragged their feet tiredly. The heat was exhausting. I went by the hero agency buildings, Kacchan's and Hawks'. I wondered how Hawks was doing ever since the way we left things the last time. I knew it wasn't very fair towards him, especially since he talked about his business with the League. I consoled myself, saying that my case is different. 

The mall was creating a shadow on the street. Nevertheless, it was still very hot. I found a parking spot under a tree and we walked into the mall. Even more people were in there. They were sat in cafés or strolled around the shops. The cold drinks looked tempting but Alex dragged me away. We walked pass a gift shop. I saw a poster of me. I felt an odd mixture of disgust, hate and pointlessness. I, of all, knew that being there (the quasi role model) wasn't earned. Maybe it was before, but not anymore. Practically, it was cheating all over again. Each time a child pointed at me or someone smiled felt like I was falling deeper. Where, even I didn't know. 

***

After a tiring day at the mall, a tiring evening at the camp passed. Alex was enjoying herself and I could see it, which made me happy. Everyone went to sleep. I left Alex asleep calmly and went out of our tent. 

It was then, standing under the open sky, when everything I did and would do hit me. The experience of feeling unworthy for your friends and close ones devours you from the inside. I was doing everything I've done in a reckless, mad moment. I didn't at all consider the consequences once the Commission finds out about my wrongdoings. I will, surely, lose my job. It's true that I would do it all over again. But that is what pains me the most. I am a criminal. I associated with the top wanted criminals. I had the chance to catch them, lock them up for good, prevent them from hurting people. Prevent the experiments (I'm pretty sure I saw another experiment on my last day there; a huge shadow passed by the doors). I could have even gotten close to Shigaraki himself, the lead of the pack. But I didn't. I've lost my course in life. Did Night Eye see this? Did he die thinking that the future of Japan is in the hands of a bad man? 

My heart beat picked up its pace rapidly. What will Todoroki think of me? Uraraka? They won't understand. This must have left an impact on Alex too. When will it all catch us?!

I fell down on my knees into the wet grass and, burying my palms in my hands, began sobbing as if it will help me rid my soul of all the perpetrations I have done.  

What would All Might say about Izuku Midoriya if he knew about this...?