"Best Friends"

What Does Love Do To You?

Never once in my life have I ever had my hands wobble so much. Neither have I ever stuttered so much. But then again I've never seen her so happy before. Her smile and blushy cheeks speak for herself.

*********

Date: 3 days before the valentine dance

Time: 5:00

Mission: Surprise Cara

*****

With the sun returning back in its rightful place after a gloomy storm, a rainbow accompanied her friend. I've never seen North Carolina have so many blossoming flowers.

I stood in front of my mirror, glaring at the person I came eye to eye with on the other side. I examined every portion of my face, seeing if my pimples were visible.

My hair was tightly styled, slicked back with gel. I nodded at myself approvingly.

The black shirt engraved with our anniversary date was accompanied with Adidas sweats and grey vans. I often flitted from 'confident,' to feelings worthless between five minute time periods.

The box of various flavored doughnuts, that were glazed with 'V A L E N T I N E D A T E?' were sitting beside me. The roses were placed in my shaky hand.

"What if she isn't home?"

"What if she says no?"

Rejection was my biggest fear. This fear was unlike any other terrifying fear I had. The risk of being rejected ate me up inside, nibbling at all my other failures I've had with Cara. I felt my stomach cringe as if rejection scored a point while I still had a 'Zero,' sketched across my forehead.

Rejection to me was a stinging burn that never healed. I was beyond petrified to ask her. But I also couldn't contain the burning urge to get this off my chest. My mouth wanted to spit out the words, " Please go out with me," so badly.

My fourteen year old self could not contain such worry at one time. At this time, my confidence layed in between 'Somewhat got this,' to 'Get it Over With It Before I puke.'

To say my hands were sweaty, would be a huge understatement.

To say I did not have an odd eye twitch would be a fib. No, actually that would be such a tremendous lie you might be imprisoned.

If you asked me if my knees were buckling, my spine shivering, my fingers fidgeting and fiddling, I would say I hated this odd feeling and that puberty was the worst experience I've ever had to endure.

However if you asked me if all this pain was worth it, I would look straight into your eyes, lean in and whisper, "Without a doubt."

I won't deny that my head is swirling faster than ever. I won't deny that the terrifically terrifying feeling of confusion is bubbling inside of my stomach.

"What do you want more, what holds greater value to you?" A voice snickered and sneered.

"Pursue Cara, but experience excruciating pain and immense fear, or simply not having her at all?" The words, one by one, slid across my mind while slicing my spine.
I wanted her. I wanted her to be mine.