"Best Friends"

Chapter 32: Harder

Cara's POV

My new blonde highlights complimented my facial structure and high check bones. A new look that could mask away my old insecurities.

My newly polished teal nails looked glamorous, and my new wardrobe I had bought exclusively from Forever 21 made me look less dorky than I already was.

Thanks mom & dad.

With a week left to go until my freshman year started, I dedicated myself to strive towards perfection.

Well not perfection, but I desired to be confident. I longed for whispers carry along the wide halls saying how confident I was, or make other take a double look at me.

I wanted to be as rare as jewel. I wanted people to notice that I didn't give two damns about what anybody said about.

But honestly this journey was indescribably challenging. I felt this was a mask I was hiding myself behind, not showing how weak I am.

I convinced myself on lonely nights, I was nothing more but a pathetic joke. Who would believe the scarred girl, who got played by Hayes, was strong and rare?

The past clutched onto me and gripped its heavy hold, tighter and tighter. Heavier and heavier, trying to weigh me down.

To swivel my thoughts around in millions of circles, to make sure I was completely screwed up, Hayes sent me a teddy bear.

cupped in my hands was a soft white fuzzy pristine teddy bear- my eyes were glued to it. The furry creature held a fuzzy rose, and engraved on its left foot said

                     From Hayes

This is all I ever desired. To have Hayes, to be with Hayes. But it seemed, unrealistic to me now.

I was still crazy for him, nonetheless, but I don't want a boyfriend who goes beserk on me.

Do I really want to go into a relationship, where my heart gets shattered? Do I really want to risk everything? If I go back to him, he'll just break my heart.

He was so tempting, so mesmerizing. His soft eyes and dark brown hair. The way my body would experience chilly tingles just by his presence.

I wasn't ready for this. I was so so tempted to accept his offer. An easy way to escape things.

*********

the closer and closer the days where school began was only resulted in my stomach clutching tighter and tighter onto me.

The night before school, is the night where I can't breathe. The grip Hayes and the high standards I had  for myself was overwhelming

Take a breather.

Except my functioning mind didn't want rest. It didn't want a remedy for its constant throbbing, that overthinking generated. It didn't want help.

******
5:56 am, Tuesday September 2 (sorry if north Carolina starts in augest and not September)

My spinning conscious kept doing back flips- up and down, up and down.I had moist palms and a racing heart, moving as fast as you can say "sweat". With a lump in my throat made it  impossible to say one word. My bedspread was sweaty with a nice outline of my back indented on the sheets.

I threw on a complimenting blue flannel to match my teal nails.

The view from my bedroom window let me see the numerous piles of leaves, with many color variations. I caught a glimpse of one specific tinted red leaf, another one with a printed streak of red running through the leaf.

Do I really want to be faced with Hayes? My new piers? I'm going to a new school, new people, hopefully less people know who I am.

I have the type of reputation where people already have their opinions and views on me. Most of their opinions are rude, cruel and hateful.

Most kids that attend Davidson Day middle school transfer to Franklin highschool. Others spread to remaining schools, like Concord high, but sadly the majority of my frightening peirs will be reuniting with me once more.

Then, the fear seeps into my body, making me shiver. Making my stomach do back flips- head spin in countless circles, and suddenly I start to second guess myself.

"Come on Cara!" my mother summons, and I run downstairs, exit the door, and enter the threshold of my mother's grey van.

My stomach clenches into a tight knot, making me gulp.

Keep calm. Keep calm. Breathe.

I steady my breathing, and tell myself I'm beautiful. I feel like nothing more than a joke. Who am I kidding? Me? Confident? You're hysterical.

I already have my past indented on my forehead. My future is already told, everyone will make fun of me.

And soon before I know it, my new highschool with clean concrete grounds stands in my presence.

Numerous groups of teenagers already formed circles. I can already make out which groups are which.

A full group of girls wearing crop tops and skin tight jeans that look to be a size smaller than their correct size are in the middle of the platform.

Another one is mixed, ranging with boys and girls of blonde and black hair. They all hold instruments.

I fearfully get out of my mom's car.

I'm a freshman. I'm at the bottom of the rung.

My stomach stiffens as I take more  unwanting steps. This is so terrifying.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see social Hayes with a group of his old football crew. They all point at me.

In that moment I panic. My heart races faster than my mind. My stomach bursts, and then I see Hayes start to approach me.