When yet another curveball puts Andy and Lex's relationship into serious jeopardy, the stakes become higher than they've ever been, forcing the couple to fight not only for their love but also for their lives.
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Life see...
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For over two weeks now, I had thought I was strong enough. Truly, I'd believed I could handle it, that I could endure whatever the situation would throw at me.
But this was too hard.
Even if Lex was here with me, he wasn't with me. I was desperately alone in this, and it was so hard to bear the weight of everything on my own.
It might have been stupid, but what I'd just witnessed, seeing Lex pleasuring himself in the shower, was my wake-up call. I'd been fooling myself, making excuses, lying to myself because I needed ways to cope. To explain why he wasn't looking at me the same way, I'd told myself he wasn't there yet, that his libido was on hold.
How fucking stupid could I be? How many other lies had I told myself to feel better, to justify his attitude? My love for him had made me blind, stupid, and I'd refused to see the truth all along.
But it was right there. It had been there ever since he'd been back.
Lex didn't want to talk to me, and even when he did now, it seemed forced, as if the act was demanding some great effort. He didn't seek my company, and wasn't considering my pain. This entire time, he'd been selfish, which I'd forgiven because of his trauma, and I'd been foolish, dismissing the damage I'd endured myself.
I too had suffered greatly, my anguish so strong I'd actually broken down a few times, only to build myself back up on my own. But I didn't have enough strength left in me to do the same for him and not crumble. Not anymore. I needed to be cared for, to get the support and love I was giving to Lex. The one he wasn't giving me in return.
There was only one place where I'd be able to get it, and I suddenly craved to get there. I needed to be cherished and loved unconditionally. Staying here and enduring Lex's somber mood was taking a serious toll on my mental health, and I had to look out for myself before I reached a breaking point.
As I made my way to the dressing room, I realized just how much I needed my parents, how terribly I wanted to leave this place. Once in there, I grabbed a bag large enough to contain enough of my things for a weekend. Holding it in my shaky hands, I hesitated. I needed more than that. Staying there, with Lex so reluctant, was crushing me more every day. I was way too far ahead of him, and waiting for him to reach my level was agonizing.
Instead of my small bag, I picked the largest one I could find. I'd bring it back here whenever I could. With a pile of my clothes in hand, I headed back to the bedroom and settled it on the bed.
The perspective of leaving was making me light and relieved. Until now, I hadn't realized just how heavy the tense atmosphere was on me. The signs had been ignored, but the way I felt now couldn't lie. I needed to get away from here, and we'd have to work on our relationship in another way. We could see each other now and then, while Lex kept going to his therapy sessions and I minded my own mental state.
After a few back and forth between the bathroom, the walk-in closet, and the bedroom, most of my things were either packed or sprawled on the bed, waiting to be shoved into the bag as well.
