MCU (Avengers) Imagines Part Two

Avenger!Reader - When I'm Gone

A/N - This chapter is probably going to be pretty emotional, and there isn't actually a pairing for it. It's just a platonic avengers group. It's based on the song 'When I'm Gone' by Eminem. 

She was sleeping when you had left, curled up and looking as perfect as ever. Your greatest achievement. Your heart. And you were getting ready to walk out on her, as if you held no love for her at all. She would hate you when she woke up and found out that you were gone; that you had broken out of jail and hadn't come back to her. She was far too young to ever understand that sometimes you weren't given a choice in life. She wouldn't be able to piece together why you had decided to leave her behind, and God, the idea of that would break your heart for the rest of your life. 

You brushed her hair back out of her face, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. Tears were already brimming in your eyes, the pain settling in your chest. You hadn't realised just how hard this would be, saying a final goodbye when she didn't even know what was going on. 

With a deep breath, you slipped one of her stuffed toys out of her grip and tucked it into the backpack at your feet. It wasn't her favourite, she would need him as she came to terms with what was happening, but this one would at least smell of her. It would be like taking a part of her with you. 

You swallowed down the lump in your throat, slipping the backpack up onto your shoulder and risking a final glance at the daughter that you were about to abandon, clinging to the fact that she would always have her father in her corner, even when you were gone.

*Time Skip*

You were huddled up in the backseat of the car, Nat's head resting on your shoulder as you stared out of the window into the darkness of the night. You dipped your hand into your bag, your fingers brushing soft fur as you pressed your eyes closed. It had been two weeks since you'd gone on the run and you already felt like you were going mad. Another two weeks and it would be your baby's 5th birthday and you wouldn't be there because you were too selfish to have ever put her first. God, the thought made you feel sick. The idea that when she blew out the candles, she would be wishing for you to come home, and that there was nothing you could do to make that wish come true. Poor kid was destined to grow up too soon, to give up on believing in magic when she was still so little. And it was all your fault. 

"You good?" Your eyes fluttered open, meeting with Steve's in the rear-view mirror as he drove. You nodded slightly, your hand retreating from the bag to rest in your lap. 

"Yeah," you uttered, shifting in your seat and drawing Nat out of her restful sleep. "Just tired," you hummed, resting back against the headrest. 

Nat gave your knee a light pat, sitting up a little straighter in her seat and stretching out her spine. "We should probably stop for a bit. Get a proper rest," she started, her voice thick with sleep. "Could do with sleeping with a real pillow rather than Y/N's shoulder."

Steve hesitated for a moment. "Saw a sign for a motel a few miles back. Shouldn't be too much longer."

You'd rented two motel rooms that night, praying that no one would recognise you as you charmed the receptionist into letting you pay cash up front. This was your life now; looking over your shoulder at all times and knowing that there was a good chance of everything going to shit at a moments notice. 

*Time Skip*

You'd been reliving the fight at the airport ever since it had happened. Just over and over again, replaying the entire thing on a loop. It was like every time you closed your eyes, there it was, waiting for you like it was a movie you'd pressed pause on. 

But this time was different. Just as you dodged an attack from vision, your eyes had landed on a bright pink blur, sitting off to the side. As you focused, you saw your daughter, staring at you in horror, in her bright yellow wellie-boots and pink raincoat. She looked so disappointed, her brows furrowed as she watched you, and you froze. 

"Mommy, it's me," she started, her head tilting to the side as you took a step in her direction. "You told me you weren't leaving anymore."

Your breath caught in your throat, mouth opening and closing as you searched for something to say. "I'm not-"

"I just wanted to give you this," she interrupted, holding out a pretty silver gift bag to you. You took the present from her, opening it and pulling out the tissue paper to reveal a mug nestled at the bottom. As you pulled the gift out, you felt your stomach churn. There it was. '#1 Mom' printed on the side, just like the one she'd given you for mother's day the year before. 

"Baby," you uttered, your head lifting too look at her, and then there was a loud crash, and your eyes darted away for a moment. 

"Why don't you go and show them that you love them more than you love me?" 

Your eyes flicked back over to where she had been, but she was already gone.

You woke sweaty and crying, your entire body shaking as you sat upright in the middle of the bed. Slowly, you managed to regulate your breathing, and wiped your tears away from your cheeks. 

"Y/N?" Steve was sitting up in the other bed, his brow furrowed as he watched you. 

"I'm fine." 

There was a moment of silence, and then Steve sighed. "No, you aren't."

"No," you breathed out, shaking your head. "But I can't changed that now, so it's easier to just-" you paused, shrugging slightly. "Pretend that everything's fine." You settled back down onto the bed, your eyes still focused on him. "If I could go back and live my life again, I never would have left her. I would go home and I would give her the love she deserves. But I made my choices, and now I have to live with them."

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