PAP12
Nabalot kami ng katahimikan pagkatapos kong bigkasin ang mga salitang kailanman ay hindi ko akalain na itatanong ko sa kanya. Bakas ang gulat sa kanyang mga mata ngunit halata din na pilit niyang pinapanatili ang kanyang hinahon. He didn't let go of my eyes and he didn't falter even a second while returning my gaze.
Hindi nawala ang sunod-sunod na malalakas na tibok ng puso ko. It wasn't that windy but I felt like my surrounding is turning cold. My stomach churned. Damn it... I don't remember having to ask anyone something like that. Ako kasi palagi ang tinatanong!
Napalunok ako. C'mon, Zeven. Stop giving me that eerie look and just say something! Kung ayaw mo ay bilisan mo na at sabihin mo na! Magku-kunwari na lang akong joke lang 'yon!
"You said you won't date anyone this year?"
Finally! A word!
I let out a short laugh and tear my eyes away from him. Oo nga pala...
Is it somewhat a way of saying no to me?
"As much as possible? But not absolutely."
Nakisakay na lang ako sa kanya. Maghahanap na lang ako ng butas mamaya para makawala sa kahihiyan nito. Or maybe I'll just dismiss it like it's not a big deal to me.
"Then, what gives?"
Huminga ako ng malalim at tumingin sa langit na pinaghalong kulay asul at kahel dahil sa pababang araw.
"Because I think I have feelings for you," kalmado kong sagot sa kanya ngunit sa totoo lang ay halos nagwawala na lahat ng mga nasa loob ng sistema ko.
My heart drummed wildly and my mind keeps cursing me for saying things like this. Withdraw, Free!－I can hear it like that.
"W-what?"
Binalik ko ang tingin ko sa kanya. Ngayon ay hindi niya na niya nagawang itago ang gulat sa kanyang mga mata. It felt like I caught him off-guard. Mahina akong tumawa para pagaanin ang sitwasyon. It's hard to breathe in an atmosphere this heavy!
"Well, surprise?" mahina kong tawa at iniwas ulit ang tingin ko sa kanya.
Bwiset, kailan ka pa naging ganyan, Free? Pa-Maria Clara ka! Pwe!
My feeling for him is just one of my secrets... I should have just told him like I'm telling another one of my secrets! Hindi naman 'yon bago! Pero hindi rin pala iyon magkaparehas!
"I knew about you and Miya for some time now but I pretended not to. Because it hurts me, Zeven..."
Ramdam ko ang bigat ng tingin niya saakin ngunit hindi na ulit ako tumingin pabalik. Pinaglaruan ko ang dalawa kong kamay sa kandungan ko para doon ilipat ang kabang nararamdaman ko sa kalooban ko.
"Hindi lang dahil hindi mo sinasabi saakin... well, it's a different kind of pain, though," I chuckled. "－to feel like you don't trust me as much as I thought you do or how much I do to you."
"Sabi ko sa'yo, hindi iyon ang da－"
"I know..." putol ko sa kanya. "I get it now. Kahit wala kang malinaw na paliwanag, naiintidihan ko na. Kung sabagay, parehas lang naman tayo. Alam ko na pero hindi ko sinabi sa'yo."
"Free..."
"Anong mangyayari pagkatapos? Anong magbabago? Saan na ako lulugar? Will I have to let you go as the first person in my life because you'll have your priority now? To lose you? The answers from those questions scared me a lot to the point that I feared speaking of it would make it turn into a reality."
